Approach Anxiety, Let’s Just Be Friends and Bartenders

Ask Your Wingman

I am getting tons of emails about approach anxiety over the past few weeks. I am not sure if it’s because the weather is nicer and you’re finally able to go out more or if more and more of you are just reaching out to me but I think that this needs to be resolved one way or another.

If you can’t approach women consistently and confidently, you won’t be able to get that number and you certainly wont be able to get a date. I want to help as many guys as possible in their battle against approaching women. If you haven’t received a response, don’t worry. I am answering as quickly as possible and you will get your questions answered before the end of the day Friday, no matter what. If you have questions that you want answered, be quick to email me at or you can leave a comment below.

Now let’s hit the mailbag.

Just got this girl’s number that I really like, I want to take her out for a drink. what’s the best way to make this happen?

Hmm. This is a tough one. I don’t know about you, but usually I call them.

I’m not sure if you are looking for something more specific. If you’re interested in her, why wait? Call her the next day. If you feel as though you may be a little too nervous to talk right away, sending her a text is acceptable. Whatever it is, establish some type of communication with her. I never like hearing about “rules” regarding phone calls because I don’t think there are any. If you like her, you go after her. Period.

So I hope you stopped reading by now and went to go call her.

So I was given the whole, “I don’t want to risk our friendship” nonsense. Don’t get me wrong. She’s a good friend. It ran through my mind and I decided to ask. We have a good time when we hang but now that I asked, I don’t know if it’ll be awkward. Should I just cut her loose, have less contact or continue to hang out with her?

Well, I’ve answered something like this before but what’s different here is that you already asked and now you don’t know what to do. So she turned you down. That’s fine. Now it’s up to you.

You can decide to continue to hang out with her knowing that she’s not interested and be okay with that. If you only want to be more than friends with her, then you should end it because even though you say it won’t get in the way, your subconscious will effectively hurt parts of the friendship because you want more that that.

In the end, you just need to decide you are satisfied with just being friends with her. If not then, it might be in your best interest to let her go and save yourself (and her) conflict down the road.

How do I handle a woman with a crazy schedule? I have been seeing this girl who is a bartender and she just off-limits on the weekends because she works til like 2 or 3 in the morning and whenever she works during the week and gets off at a “reasonable time” (which can be around 10 or 11), she’s too tired and wants to go to bed. I end up seeing her like once a week. She’s definitely relationship material. She’s smart, funny, cute and all that good stuff. Do I say something to her? Should I cut her loose and move on?

What should I do?

So she’s relationship material? That’s awesome. But if she can’t see you more than once a week and you want to see her more than that, then she is NOT relationship material. You don’t want to go in there and ask her to prioritize you over work. That’ll just be a disaster. Her actions will speak louder than words in the end.

If she really wants to be with you and spend time with you, then she’ll make time. It’s as simple as that. If what she is offering isn’t enough, you can talk to her about it. If she doesn’t look like she’ll change, then you may have to move on. People will busy schedules can be difficult, but if both are willing to work around it and make it work, then it will work.

If it’s early in the relationship, then you might be asking too much right now. Give it some more time and see if she makes changes in her life to make time for you.

IF you have a question, send them to

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About Thomas Edwards Thomas is a dating and lifestyle coach out of Boston and he helps men and women learn how to live more prosperous lives in hopes of finding self-fulfillment, love and satisfaction. He has decided to do a weekly segment called Ask a Wingman. Every week he will be answering your questions (with his tidbits) from the TSBMAG mailbags, so if you want your question answered, send them his way.

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