Relationship Maintenance, Second Dates and Open Relationships
Back this week for the beginning of what I think will be a cool lifestyle maintenance series. This week, we will cover relationship maintenance. For many guys, keeping the girl is much harder than getting her. We spend so much time thinking about ways to keep the relationship going that we forget how it started. I am going to just point out some key points and ideas for you guys to think about and implement into your current relationship.
The one problem that haunted me for many relationships in the past was that I got so damn lazy. I would stop trying to impress, seduce and emotionally please her because I thought I didn’t have to anymore – the hard work was done already. Needless to say, I was dead wrong. There needs to be a continuation of all of these things in order for a relationship to thrive. It can be SO easy for a woman to lose that attraction to you. For some women, it’s because her man doesn’t make her feel enough like a woman. For others, it’s because they feel more like a friend than a lover and they’d rather be a lover. When it comes down to it, women lose interest because the man that they decided to commit to isn’t the same person they are seeing now.
The key is to remember what you did when you wooed her and keep doing that. It’s really that simple. And yes, many of you are thinking, “Dammit, it took so much work to get her, you are telling me that I have to keep doing THAT much work?”
Well, like I told a client the other day about committed relationships, “Actions speak louder than words.” Those words that you use are just reinforcing your actions. That’s all. Without action, your words mean absolutely nothing.
So, yes, continue to seduce her, continue to make fun of her and be flirtatious. Continue to be the man that made her want you so badly. That’s a good start. Another thing that I have seen in many long, successful relationships was the element of including some type of date night. A date night is simply a time that you set for one night every week. No interruptions, no cancellations. It is your time to be together. Make it something fun every week. Go salsa dancing one night. Maybe take her on a picnic at the beach another night. Stay in a make it a movie night another week. Keep changing it up and maintain a certain variety doing things the both of you love (and occasionally trying out new things together) and you’ll be good.
Maintaining a positive attitude, a friendly approach and keeping the faith will help you thrive in your relationship.
The unpredictability of a long-term relationship shouldn’t be how you feel about her. It should be the variety of the experiences you two share as you both grow together to learn and to eventually love one another.
That was a little too sappy for my tastes, so let’s go right into the mailbag.
Hey, so I’ve went out with a girl I’ve known for a little less than a year a couple of times. I started out only liking her as a friend, but have really started to like her much more than that lately. I’m planning on asking her some time soon whether she likes me as more than a friend as well. Can anyone give me advise on how to ask this?
Yeah, I can give you advice. Don’t ask her that. Chances are you are going to freak her out. The best thing to do while being completely honest is to just ask her out on a date and make it clear that it’s a date and not hanging out. One of the main things that differentiate friends with lovers is touch. If she freaks out when you try to make a move and/or get closer, that will tell you how she feels about you.
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About Thomas Edwards Thomas is a dating and lifestyle coach out of Boston and he helps men and women learn how to live more prosperous lives in hopes of finding self-fulfillment, love and satisfaction. He has decided to do a weekly segment called Ask a Wingman. Every week he will be answering your questions (with his tidbits) from the TSBMAG mailbags, so if you want your question answered, send them his way. [email protected]