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Russian’s Discover Cure For Swine Flu

whiskeyIt’s a long-held belief – by myself, at least – that America is far superior to the great Motherland of Russia is nearly every aspect. America has the better food, a more gorgeous and lush landscape, and much, much hotter women (who can actually wear a bikini, as opposed to the Ruskies who are a little too worried about fighting frostbite to get a nice tan). But there is one aspect of Russian culture that I’d put ahead of American any day of the week: Their use of alcohol as a cure-all tonic.

Take the Russian answer to swine flu, for instance. Instead of lining people up with various medications and vaccines, they’re being told, essentially, to stop being such a whiny bunch of pussies and drink some goddamn whiskey:

Russian soccer fans have been told to drink whisky on their trip to Wales for next month’s World Cup qualifier to ward off the H1N1 swine flu virus, the head of the country’s supporter association (VOB) said today.

“We urge our fans to drink a lot of Welsh whisky as a form of disinfection,” VOB head Alexander Shprygin told Reuters.

“That should cure all symptoms of the disease.”

Science!

In any case, I think we may have found the one health plan that Obama can introduce to Congress and have 100% support. Something we can all get behind, or pass out in front of: Free whiskey for all, and for all a good night!

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About Rick Mosely Rick is the editor for TSB magazine.

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