7 “Emotional” Mistakes Men Make Picking Up Women
By: Bobby Rio
Lately I’ve become intrigued by the idea of “emotional intelligence.” It is beginning to appear to me that emotional intelligence ranks right up there with “social intelligence” for succeeding in all aspects of life… particularly in your quest to date beautiful women.
Awhile back, I wrote an article titled “Can You Control Your Emotions like Arod?” where I discussed the idea of managing your emotions in order to build the necessary momentum to succeed with women. In this article I want to talk about some of the most common “emotional” mistakes men make while picking up women.
These are some of the more common mistakes. The first step is to recognize when you are making the mistake- and simply ask yourself “am I displaying emotional intelligence.”
We’ve all done it. We will notice a really cute girl across the bar, and based solely on her looks and gestures, make the decision that “she is the one.”
Without ever even speaking a word to her, we’ve already grown an emotional attachment to her. Because of this, approaching her becomes 100x more difficult. We now feel it necessary to come up with the perfect opener or have something brilliantly clever to talk about…
This is a huge mistake. Never start “liking” a woman until you’ve engaged in a conversation with her and feel some sense of connection. Falling for a woman based solely on her looks is extremely “beta” and puts you immediately in the role of “pursuer.” She can smell this instantly… and your chances of success from that point on- are slim to none.
I remember after watching the episode of Keys to the Vip starring Cajun, I became obsessed with using the “Do I look like a drug dealer” opener.
The thing was… I never had any success with the opener. It would usually fall flat and very rarely lead to an engaging conversation. But I kept using it because I thought it sounded “cool.”
When it comes to success, what you’ll often find is what you personally like, is very seldom what works. Just because you think an opener or joke is extremely clever… doesn’t mean the woman will. It is best to test out different lines, and stick with the one that gets the best results.
We all go through droughts. Droughts are those seemingly endless periods where things just aren’t happening.
During these streaks… nothing seems to go right. And very often our “hunger” to break out of the drought is often the reason we continue to fail.
The best thing to do during a cold streak is simply take a week or two off from going out. Sure it will seem like the counterproductive thing to do, but trust me; you will feel mentally and emotionally rejuvenated by getting away from “the game” for awhile.
Women can smell “the hunger.” And all but the most desperate of women will avoid a man who is noticeable hungry.
I see this happen all of the time with guys. They approach a group of women and they instantly create rapport with the women.
They are usually talking about “safe” topics and generally engaging in a “PG” conversation that the women see as “harmless.”
The women will seem to genuinely like the company of the men. The men become addicted to this approval and don’t want to risk offending the women by escalating or introducing anything sexual into the conversation.
For some reason as men, we tend to think that women will be offended if we display our “true” intentions… when in fact, they respect you a lot more. Women know exactly what you want… and you’re not going to get anywhere if you talk about “puppy dogs and ice cream” all night.
We all have our comfort zones in life. These are “emotionally safe” areas for us. But the problem with comfort zones is that you can’t grow if you’re stuck in your comfort zone.
This tends to happen to men a lot when they are out hitting on women. They may start the conversation with a good opener, maybe bust out some cocky/funny lines… but soon enough they revert back to “interview mode.”
They do this because “interview mode” is comfortable for them. It is like comfort food. It is safe and makes us feel good because we’ve been there before. The problem is… just like comfort food, comfortable conversation topics seldom spark attraction.
I wrote an entire post titled “Let your winners ride” which spoke all about how we tend to end the good interactions too soon, and stick around too long in a dead end interaction.
This happens because we become emotionally attached to the outcome. When an interaction is going good we start feeling “positive” emotions and we don’t want to lose them. So we will often eject too early from a good set just to keep that “positive” feeling.
And often when a set is going bad we begin to feel “negative” emotions. And we make the mistake of wanting to rid ourselves of the negative emotions so badly that we stick in the set hoping we can change the tide.
The trick is to completely take your emotions out of a pickup. Don’t let yourself feel too good or too bad based on how an interaction is going. Just simply interact. If you’re having fun, stick around. If you’re growing bored, leave.
It’s as simple as that.
Here is one of the biggest mistakes men make when learning game. They learn all the right techniques, strategies, mindsets, and behaviors… but then they don’t use them.
The main reason we don’t use them infield is because we start thinking “this girl is different.” Our emotions convince us that “game won’t work on her.” And we start thinking “I just need to be myself.”
Here is the thing… very few girls are different. 99% of women respond to the same attraction triggers. It doesn’t matter if they are white, black, Asian, Spanish, nineteen or fifty… “Attraction isn’t a choice” and all women will respond the same way.
Next time you find yourself thinking “I can’t be cocky/funny with her” simply ask yourself “is she a woman?” If the answer is yes… proceed as planned.