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Sex and the Suburbs: Tumultuous Texting


text messageThis article has been a long time coming. I need to vent about a phenomenon that has greatly impacted the dating world. This phenomenon is known as the ‘text message’. By now I would venture to say that we are all pretty familiar with texting and its appeal/convenience. What better way to inform others of your estimated time of arrival, pose a quick question, provide an immediate response, text your friend during an important meeting or work event or simply send a dirty joke without even so much as a sound from your mouth? What’s not to love!? Surely, text messages have many benefits and I for one use it on a regular basis and LOVE it!

Well, as you all know, with all that is good comes a down side. In the case of texting, along with all its perks, this action can also have SERIOUS consequences. One downfall is that text messages lack inflection. So many of our conversations are person-to-person and we can detect one’s emotions from the tone of their voice. A text response can be very misleading in this sense. Just imagine the conversation below taking place on a telephone … then read it again as if it were a text message.

The scenario is a 3rd date with a cool, laid back chick you are totally digging. You told her that you are taking her out this Friday and to be ready by 8:00. She is totally psyched and has left work early to get ready (this entails a blow out and running to the mall for a hot new shirt) and be sure she’s set for you to pick her up. You can pick her up since it is the 3rd date … it’s now 7:15 pm on that Friday and you are running a little late, but hey, no worries …

Chic You’re Diggin’: “I am really looking forward to seeing you tonight.”

Guy Hoping to Date Chick: “Awesome, me too.”

Chic You’re Diggin’: “Is it casual. Where we are going?”

Guy Hoping to Date Chick: “Totally – I’m wearing jeans and a button down.  Listen though … I am still held up at Johnny’s so I may be a little late. We’re finishing up our draft pick. I should be out of here by 8:00 the latest. Is that ok?”

Chic You’re Diggin’: “Ok, what time do you think you’ll be here?”

Guy Hoping to Date Chick: “Not sure, but I’ll hit you up again soon.”

Chic You’re Diggin’: “Ok…”

It’s now 7:55, you are still at Johnny’s and trying to hurry the draft along. It’s cool though … this chick you’re diggin’ is so laid back, she won’t mind. No biggie …

Guy Hoping to Date Chick: “So sorry … I have to get 2 more players and then I should be on my way. Hope to be done in twenty minutes – 30 the latest. Cool?”

Chic You’re Diggin’: “Yup … great.”

Guy Hoping to Date Chick: “Thanks, talk to you soon.”

Chic You’re Diggin’: “Yeah …”

8:30 pm: The draft is winding down and you are getting ready to head out for your hot date.

Guy Hoping to Date Chick: “What up!? You ready? I’m about to leave.”

Chic You’re Diggin’: “Um yeah listen, maybe tonight’s not a great night to meet up.  I am pretty tired anyway … maybe another time.”

Guy Hoping to Date Chick: “Oh ok.  I’ll call you tomorrow.  Feel better.”

About Jill Summit

Jill Summit is a single woman who is not willing to settle for second best. She has dabbled in many crafts ranging from medical and behavioral science to holistic massage. More recently she has ventured into journalism to share some of those dating experiences. Whether it is a source of insight, advice or even entertainment, her efforts are to assist and empower men in today’s dating world.

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  1. Stephen Nash

    September 29, 2009 at 3:54 pm

    Hey Jill –

    I enjoyed this and agree that texting is wide open for abuse out there. I know guys who will mass text multiple women at the end of the night to try and secure a lead to get laid. But, I have a hunch that the real pain in your final scenario is mostly due to being rejected. I’ve been there too, and it’s easy to transfer the anger over to “how” it was done when it’s real location is “that” it was done.

    Here’s one for you though: I dated a very cute, intelligent girl a few months ago – we really hit it off in fact. But, she is rather young (like 23/24) and lacks a bit of grace. I would call her and she would TEXT me back! Pretty tacky. I never replied to those and since stopped calling. Often, how a person deals with basic communication is a sign of bigger things to come. Better to just end things now than find out what those things are.

    Stephen Nash.

    • jill summit

      October 2, 2009 at 7:00 am

      PS Dr. Stephen… I agree with your comment on how people deal with communication being an indication of future actions. I disagree with your diagnosis of my emotion however. What I was expressing was sadness, hence my ‘heartbreak’ reference… not anger.

  2. Michael

    September 29, 2009 at 8:19 pm

    It’s good for guys to get a girl’s point of view on this. Women say it over and over: there’s a time for text and a time to sack up and talk or say it in person. 95% of guys can’t convey half the context or personality in a text that they can by other means – a text is just too short. But it’s convenient, and we guys LOVE convenience.

    I disagree with Stephen on one point: a guy who dumps via text is a bit of a coward. That said, guys have searched for an “easy way” to dump women since the first caveman dumped the first cavewoman. At least he told you and didn’t use the other method guys favor: just dropping out of sight.

  3. Lance

    September 29, 2009 at 11:45 pm

    Yes. This is why we have sites like, which is a goldmine of drunken and desperate humor.

    Jill, I know you’re banging on the guy about texting, but women, especially women in their 20’s, are among the worst text offenders I’ve ever met. Seriously, whenever I go out and see a bunch of dumbassed chicks texting away IN A CLUB when there’s music and a zillion people, it destroys my soul just a little bit.

  4. jill summit

    October 2, 2009 at 1:02 am

    You are quite far from the truth with your assumption. I actually added the excerpt regarding the ‘final scenario’ at a later date as it was a recent event involving texting. I really just felt it was impersonal and not in tune with the communication we had been having. In any case, I just thought I deserved a person-to-person phonecall- just being real.

    I do agree with you with on convenience and certainly understand your point to a degree but I feel as though a phone call is not much to ask from someone. Really, have we gotten to that point in society that we cannot even properly address someone over a phonecall??? We are not even talking face-to-face. Unacceptable. No other words. BE A MAN. Not you Michael 🙂 just saying…

    The only other point I feel I need to make is that I cannot speak for the actions of 20 something year olds. As I have stated in the past, I am already in my 30’s so my perspective is just that. Live and learn.

  5. stater

    October 4, 2009 at 3:14 pm

    Hey Jill great article. I have recently been trying to figure out the complexity of talking to girls with text or facebook chat. I’ve noticed it is extremely hard to pick up on emotion with talking this way. But I’ve been thinking the use of smiley faces, exclamation points, and question marks seem to show emotion. If a girl is willing to end every message with a smiley or two exclamation points…it just seems like they are showing signs of interest. And one word responses with no punctuation are basically saying “f-you.”

    Every level of involvement I have with a girl is different when it comes to messaging, whether it is a girl i know from class or a girl I made out with 20 minutes after meeting her. If it is girls I have hooked up with before and are wanting to date; they always either send back a hesitated message hours after I sent mine, or they won’t even respond. Which is messed up because you know every girl has their phone attached to them at all times.

    It is all very confusing to me now but I am starting to figure the messaging out slowly.

  6. Confucious

    January 8, 2010 at 4:51 pm

    Girls need to stop whining about texting it’s so tired. Listen, texting is here, and it’s not going anywhere. This is like whining about not getting snail mail letters from a guy anymore.

    If the guy really liked you – he would have had someone do the last few rounds of his fantasy football draft – everyone knows the last few picks aren’t that important.

    Any dude who chooses the 16th round of a fantasy football draft over a real life attractive girl is an idiot anyway.

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