How to Finally Eliminate Approach Anxiety for Good
I wanted to take a second to address the Approach Anxiety question that a lot of guys have.
I’ve experienced much of the same thing every guy has with this fear, and I wanted to share some of my realizations about Approach Anxiety that I will be going into more detail on with my students in the coming months. I wanted to give this away to you guys so you could get the benefit, too.
Approach Anxiety REALIZATION 1: Approach Anxiety’s source is both cognitive and “built-in” (AKA, automatic).
We are afraid of strangers for a variety of reasons, many of which were installed in us by well-meaning parents and such, as well as stuff that may or may not be instinctual and evolutionary.
The fears that were taught to us by others are – I think – the bigger sin.
Anyone here remember or hear of “Stranger Danger”? That’s the well-meaning but misguided attempt to keep our kids safe by giving them instructions on how to avoid the creeps out there.
The reality is that well over 50% of all abductions (some say as much as 70%) are done by relatives and people the kid knows!
So in trying to protect our kids, we make them paranoid of natural socialization and further stunt their growth.
As for the evolutionary or “natural” fears of strangers … I don’t hold much stock in them. Why are so many people so naturally good at socializing and approaching? I think labeling approach anxiety as an evolutionary survival mechanism robs us of our ability to leave it behind.
Approach Anxiety REALIZATION 2: It doesn’t matter WHY we have approach anxiety – all that matters is a way to get PAST IT!
I hear a lot of theorizing about the apparent causes of approach anxiety, as I’m sure you have.
The bottom line is that WHY is irrelevant. It’s like getting caught up in what I call the “therapy trap”. This is where we feel an emotional reward for realizations about our past by digging into our childhoods with a therapist. We get the positive juice of an “a-ha!” moment, but no new skill to move on and change it.
When it comes to winning the inner game of approaching, RESULTS are all that matters. (Everything else is just cotton-candy “feel good” nonsense.)
Approach Anxiety REALIZATION 3: Don’t give your Approach Anxiety more power by making it seem like a phantom menace!
It’s easy to fall into a trap of making our approach fears into an angry looming demon that has the ability to paralyze us and doom us.
The first step in overcoming approach anxiety is turning your approach anxiety into a cartoonish character – a buffoon that you can laugh at and shut down at will. (This touches on Realization 5 below.)
When we personify a fear, we take away its ability to control us.
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About Carlos Xuma Carlos Xuma is a dating and attraction adviser, as well as a black belt martial arts instructor and motivational life counselor. He's the author of The Dating Black Book, Secrets of the Alpha Man, the Power Social Skills program, and many others. Carlos' programs teach the essence of attraction between the sexes. His approach is called R.E.A.L. Game, which he's been teaching for the last 8 years with his programs and seminars. Carlos shows you how to use your authentic personality to attract the opposite sex, and make enhance your entire LIFESTYLE - to see and feel the Big Picture of attraction and success in social dynamics.