How To Pay Attention When Approaching Women
Let me tell you a story…
The other day I was at my local grocery store and as I was walking down the isles trying to decide what to buy for dinner, I saw an amazingly beautiful woman round the corner. Now, the interesting thing about this woman was the fact that she was wearing an EXTREMELY nice, short one-piece dress, and high heels. It was obvious that she was either stopping to grab some groceries before or after some type of formal event.
And dang, she looked good!
Most guys, seeing such an attractive woman walking towards them, might have fumbled around with what to say to her. Others might have just fallen back on their usual routines. But my brain seemed to jump on the fact that this girl looked WAY overdressed to be grocery shopping.
As she approached me, I smiled at her and said:
“Do you always dress this nice? Or is it a special occasion for you to go grocery shopping?”
The girl stopped dead in her tracks and looked at me with a “dear in the headlights” stare and then laughed. She told me she had just left a fund-raising event for a charity she was involved with. I joked with her about how funny it would be if everyone had to get all gussied up to go grocery shopping and how she’s trying to start a trend.
As you can imagine, the conversation evolved from there, and I was able to get her phone
number. I closed things off by saying if we end up going out, we’ll both get dressed up and go to the REALLY nice grocery store down the street.
The point I’m trying to make here is that because I noticed something unique about the girl and the situation, it made it extremely easy to open her and get the conversation going. Had I not noticed the way she was dressed, could I still have opened her? Sure. But it wouldn’t have been as effective as what I ended up doing.
If you know how to pay attention to other people and the situation you find yourself in, you can craft powerful ways of meeting people. Typically, these are called “Situational Openers,” but more often than not, it’s about commenting on something you’ve noticed than crafting a clever opening line. It literally took me YEARS to get to the point
where I could pay attention to the situation instead of lusting after the woman I wanted to approach. Trust me, I know how hard it can be to get outside your head and pay attention to what’s going on around you.
But if you’re able to do it, it will make your ability to meet women extremely easy, and infinitely more powerful. So here are some quick tips you can use to help you pay attention to your situation…
1. Be aware of your surroundings. It’s easy to just ignore where we are as we run through our daily lives. However, every venue we find ourselves in dictates how people react and behave in that venue. For instance, people act different in a movie theater than they do at a night club. And people act differently at a grocery store than they do at a restaurant.
Because of this, you wouldn’t want to use the same approach in every single venue. You’d need to tailor your approach to suit people’s behaviors in these places. So before you enter into a new venue, take a moment to think about how people usually behave there.
2. Be aware of the people around you. I like to constantly try and get a sense of who’s in a room with me. I’ll look around, try and spot different faces, and see how people are interacting with others. Are people being social? Or are they being loners? Are people waiting around bored? Is everyone’s attention focused elsewhere? All this is important information that could dictate how you should approach someone.
3. Notice something unique. If you find a woman you want to approach, try and find something unique about her and the situation you are in that you can comment on. In my case, it was the fact that the woman was so overdressed for the venue we were in. But it could easily be something else.
For instance, if she was staring at the ice cream in the freezer isle trying to decide what flavor to get, I could have commented on how hard it is to decide on a flavor because they are all so good. Or if we had met in the pet isle, and she was shopping for pet treats, I could have asked her what her dog likes because I can’t find any treats my dog is fond of. See how that works?
4. Act fast. Typically, these opportunities are fleeting, so you need to take advantage of them when you can. I recommend commenting on the first thing that pops out at you when you first see someone you want to meet. Whether it’s the way they walk, an interesting article of clothing, an action they’re taking – whatever.
Even if you don’t know where you’re going to take the conversation yet, just comment on what you’ve noticed and try and transition it into something more.
5. Practice. It took me a while to get to the point where paying attention came easy to me, so don’t get frustrated if you struggle for a bit. It will get easier the more you do it. And once you know how to pay attention and use that to approach women, you’ll be amazed at the success you can achieve.
If you’d like to learn more about overcoming approach anxiety and how to meet women, then be sure to check out my site The Art Of Approaching. You can sign up for a free newsletter with great tips, and even download a free guide on how to Meet, Date, & Seduce women.
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About Joseph Mathews Joseph Mathews (Thundercat), who is the author of The Art of Approaching. Joseph has been a staple of the pick up artist community for awhile now, and had a lot of insights to share.