How to Make the World a Better Place with Pleasure Pits
On my recent trip to Las Vegas, my friends introduced me to something at the Planet Hollywood casino that I had not been aware of before: The Pleasure Pit. At this location, not only do you get to gamble, but also every dealer is a woman dressed delightfully skimpy clothing. Above and beyond that, there are even more scantily clad women dancing with stripper poles behind the dealers. I may not be a fan of blackjack, but I’m not a robot. I’ll be darned if I’m not going to stay and double down there.
Thus is revealed the power of nearly naked women dancing. I think there are a few more places that Pleasure Pits could make more fun and make this world a better place.
At the top of the list are libraries. Teach our nation’s children to read? Even better, make our nation’s children want to read. I’m not talking about writing a book like “Harry Potter, Iron Man and Mr. Darcy vs. Darth Vader and Nazi Germany,” I’m talking about wanting to learn to read so you can keep hanging out at the library to see librarians dancing on top of the reference desk.
Even better, if you want to get rid of the nation’s obesity problems, put up a stripper pole in every aisle of a health food store. I mean is there nothing more organic than a sexy woman wearing a few pesticide free fig leaves? If for some reason the health food stores can’t go for this, just put up a catwalk in produce departments. Think of all the subliminally bought cantaloupes, honeydews and watermelons that would occur, or for the ladies watching, carrots, bananas and cucumbers.
On the same front, instead of worrying about advertisements and campaigns to increase awareness of medical testing, a couple of stripper poles in a doctor’s office would do wonders to get people to visit. The thought of beautiful ladies awaiting you would make the idea of a vaccination much less painful. Heck we’re bordering on fantasyland for some guys when they would come in for their prostate exam.
If you really want to make history interesting, or science and technology, or art, then use museum benches for ladies dancing in a g-string. Yes, you could go to the museum just to stare at the ladies, but eventually you might notice that Lewis and Clark exhibit or that fine Degas. The real key would be to put the dancers in random rooms so that people have to look for them. The more you look the more likely you will learn about electricity or the Mongol horde.
Lastly, having a lovely lady dance and sway as your teacher lectures about Darwin would be the perfect way to finally make evolution palatable to the masses. Well, if not, then some of it just might seep in while the ladies dance. Which is why I’d put the loveliest ladies in the classroom. Think of the children.
Won’t someone think of the children?
About Jason McClain Jason is an aspiring novelist, which means there is a lot of time to put off writing and watch baseball or go fly-fishing, hiking and traveling. By "a lot of time", Jason means "procrastination."