How to Avoid the Biggest “Approaching Women” Mistakes, Part 1
Part 1 of 3. Stay tuned for future installments.
Today I want to talk to you about the topic of approaching and opening women, and starting conversations with them. So what I first wanted to start off with was some of the big mistakes that you might be making when starting conversations with women.
A lot of these are based on the mistakes I personally made while others are based on the mistakes I saw friends making. A lot more are based on the mistakes I’ve witnessed when I’ve sat in and watched students approaching girls during boot camps.
The first big mistake is coming across too timid.
When you’re approaching a woman, she can smell fear. And it’s extremely unattractive to her. If she thinks you’re shitting your pants nervous to talk to her, then she automatically sees you as lower value. And before you even open your mouth to talk to her, she has already made up her mind that ‘this guy has a little bit lower value than me.’ Now that does not mean you can’t overcome it, and it doesn’t mean you can’t change her mind. But it does mean you’re putting yourself in a rough position to start.
A lot of this comes from two things that she sees: your body language and your facial expression.
Facial expression is very hard to fix because it’s hard for you to see what you look like because unless the place is covered in mirrors, you very rarely see what you look like when you’re talking to a beautiful woman, or to anybody, for that matter. While body language is also harder for you to see, it’s not as hard as facial expression because you can kind of get an idea of your posture.
So you really want to drill down these two things: your facial expression, and your body language.
The first thing that I would recommend doing is having a friend observe you as you are talking to a woman and as you are approaching her, and tell you what your face looks like, tell you what your body language looks like, and maybe even just have him jot down some pointers. Facial expression is something that you’re going to have to practice in the mirror. You’re going to have to get in front of the mirror and practice a very relaxed kind of look.
There are two things guys do with their faces to be on the lookout for: the deer-in-a-headlight scared look, or they come in with this like super aggressive smile that just makes them look like an idiot. So you want to get the right facial expression down. And every one of us has different facial muscles and different ways of contorting our mouth and stuff, so you have got to find the right one for you. Ask people. Don’t be afraid to get a buddy and ask them, “What is the right way?”
Another thing is a little harder, a little trickier, but to video tape yourself in field, in front of women talking to them. You’ll get a real good idea of how you’re coming across. This isn’t a body language article, so I’m just going to end this with a quick tip:
Don’t unconsciously hide. When you’re there, don’t be afraid to be there.
Like I said earlier: I was timid, always ready to leave. I didn’t want to take up too much of her space, but that’s not confident. And you don’t want to non-verbally apologize, which is sort of what I was doing, it’s sort of like giving her a look like, ‘Am I interrupting you?’, ‘Is it okay to talk to you?’
Instead, come in with a dominant, powerful persona.
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About Bobby Rio I'm Bobby Rio, one of the founders of TSB. I tend to write about what is on my mind so you'll find a mix of self development, social dynamics and dating articles/experiences. For a collection of some of my favorite articles check them out.