How to Make Things More Fun with a Draft
Thursday marks the debut of the NFL Draft in primetime, which means that enough people were watching it that to maximize ad revenue, it needed to be moved to prime-time television. Which makes sense, as the NFL Draft is like a reality show – who will get millions of dollars, who will be the best dressed and who will dance with Erin Andrews. To celebrate the draft, here’s a list of other things that would be better with a draft and you never know, might be coming to your house at eight, seven central.
A Baseball Game at Dodger Stadium with a view of the All-You-Can-Eat Pavilion: Take a couple of friends and sit down the left field foul line. Before the game, pick out a few fatties in the left-field bleachers. Watch and see which one makes the most trips to get more hot dogs and nachos. Whoever has the person that makes the most trips wins, along with that person’s heart doctor. (Hat-tip to editor Rick.) (Ed. Note: That’s because I actually did this, motherfuckers. There’s not a better way to spend an afternoon that gambling on fat people.)
All-You-Can-Eat Buffets: Same rules, see above. The bonus is, you don’t have to reside in Southern California to do it. You can do it anywhere. Also, you can add bonus points for number of trips to the sundae bar and the number of spoonfuls of sprinkles.
Barbecue Grocery Shopping: Make a trip to the grocery store for tonight’s barbecue more fun with three friends. Each person gets three choices that go into the cart and they must fill their roster of meat, side and drink. Screw your friends with sardines, dried kumquats and prune juice and remember you have a date that night.
Coffee Shop Cell Phones: Enjoy a morning coffee with a friend. Pick the person that you think will have their cell phone ring out loud the most while in the coffee shop. It’s not so annoying when you can, win, win, win!
Crispiest Beach Person: Plan an all day outing at the beach. To make the fun last all day, start out by drafting the people that you think will be the most sunburned by the end of the day. Sabotage your friends draft by offering your SPF 45 to all their picks.
Deft Panhandling: Find a nice outdoor café and look for panhandlers. Choose the person that you think will get the most people to give them change. Hint: choose the guy in the Superman costume and avoid the guy playing Fall Out Boy on his guitar.
Last Person to Drink: Go to your favorite drinking establishment that serves hot wings with your friends. Look for the waitress to bring out a heap of wings to a table and draft the people sharing the wings. Whichever person is the last to drink their beer, wins. The game loses its fun when one guy is just eating fifty wings by himself.
Leaving Food on the Plate: Go out to dinner with several good friends and take one friend aside and choose who you think will leave the most food on their plate. Skew the results by telling your favorite road kill story at an opportune time.
Road Trip Songs: You realized you lost your iPod adapter for your ’93 Buick Skylark fifteen miles into a two-hundred mile road-trip. Find a radio station and after the first song you hear, draft musicians and bands. Tip: best played with a classic rock station and the sleeper pick of Michael Martin Murphy and his pony named “Wildfire.”
Super Big News Stories: Every Monday, take a group of five friends and draft what you think the week’s big story will be, like health care, natural disaster, missing girl or unexpectedly good singer. On Sunday, check to see the number of hits on Google for your selection. Hint: “Paris Hilton naked” will always be a good wild card.
Have fun drafting!
About Jason McClain Jason is an aspiring novelist, which means there is a lot of time to put off writing and watch baseball or go fly-fishing, hiking and traveling. By "a lot of time", Jason means "procrastination."