How Not To Get A Second Date
Most guys think that talking too much is a female problem. The truth is that anyone can make the mistake of revealing too much information on a first date.
If you recently had a first date and thought everything went great because she was such a good listener but now she will not call you back, you probably monopolized the conversation. She was probably so sick of hearing you talk about yourself that she immediately called her best friend when she got home to tell her what a jerk you were. You may have blown it with that girl but you can learn how to not blow the next first date.
There are some topics that you absolutely cannot talk about on first dates. Guys should never talk about their sex life with their last girlfriend, how much you love dating Indian women from Shaddi.com (especially if your date is NOT Indian) or about a crazy rash on you thighs. That is just too much information and it is completely inappropriate for first date conversation material. Talking to a girl on a first date is different than locker room talk with the boys.
You do want her to be impressed with you, right? You do want to get to know her, right? Of course you also want to share a little about your self but dumping all your baggage on a girl on the first date is a big mistake. Take some good advice and learn how to have a proper first date conversation. If you do you have a good chance of getting to know each other over the next few dates instead of wondering why she is blowing you off.
The best advice is simple, act like a gentleman. Being a gentleman means that you open doors and pull out her chair. It means you pay for the meal and you do it with a smile on your face. You speak of your family, friend and exes with politeness and respect but you do not give too many details about any of them. You listen to her and you pay attention to what she is saying instead of interrupting her every time she tries to say something.
In our modern society where people actually have personal pages that give painful details about every aspect of their lives, it may be hard to understand that the first few dates you have with someone new is about getting to know them gradually. She does not want to spend two or three hours listening to you talk about you. Would you want to go out with a girl who did nothing but force you to listen to every complaint she had about her job and her life?
Of course not, you would never call her again. So get ready to learn how to have a conversation and not reveal too much information about yourself.
So, to recap, in easy-to-read form:
Steps For How to Make the Right Impression Conversationally on a First Date
Step 1: Act like a gentleman. She is going to notice how you act and not just to her. Take the time to be polite to those who are serving you. If something happens, like you get the wrong food delivered to your table show you have class and remain calm. Pull out her chair and open doors for her. Always take care of the bill.
Step 2: Tell her you are glad to have gotten together. Do not launch into how long it’s been since you had a date. Compliment her choice of restaurants if she chose the place or compliment something else like her handbag.
Step 3: Ask her to share with you what she thinks is a good choice on the menu.
Step 4: Listen to what she tells you. This is a great way to keep the conversation going.
Step 5: Be aware of how much talking you are doing. If you realize you have gone on for more than five minutes, stop and smile and say, “I’m sorry, that was rude of me to go on so long, tell me more about ___”.
Five Examples of Too Much Information on a First Date
1. Money. Do not tell her that you are in between jobs and live at home with mom and dad. If it happens that you make a ton of money do not share that either. If the subject comes up you can just say that you enjoy being financially responsible.
2. Family. Do not tell her that your brother, sister, etc., is currently in rehab but you think that the weapons charge will be dropped. Show proper respect for your family and keep it positive and short.
3. Ex-girlfriends. Do not tell her that your last girlfriend was awesome in bed but she was crazy and that you considered a restraining order but blah, blah, blah. Tell her that while you wish her the best, you both felt it was time to move on.
4. Sex. Do not tell her what you would like to do with her in bed. Enough said. There is nothing about this subject that you should even think about telling her at this point.
5. Religion. Take a lesson from East Indian dating culture: do not ask her to join in a prayer over your meal or to a prayer meeting later that night, even if you share a religion just keep that topic for another day.
About Ashok S. A little bit about me, I'm a first generation East Indian American clinical psychology doctoral student. One of the greatest joys in my life is my romantic relationship with my fiancée, Sheila. During the time I was dating looking for the right partner, I was shy and wasn't that good at getting the right girl's attention. It took me some years but was able to meet and date the right woman. So now four happy years later, Sheila and I decided to help others who want to date and have a long term relationship with an Indian women.