Must-Read: What To Say In Bed
Talk right before, during, and after sex is weird. (Even if you have a Dirty Talk Translator on hand to consult.) It’s a weird place to be, when so much of the rest of the day is spent inside of your own head, to now remove the censor and just say what’s on your mind and what you want from your partner. Not to mention the whole having to deal with the woman’s occasional low self-esteem about her body, meaning you have to compliment her in just the right way or else risk turning the sexual encounter into a solo event. Just thinking about the complications that go along with having a naked woman in your bed almost makes it not worth it. (Almost.)
Luckily, the great people at Men’s Health have put together another vital article for our perusal, this time taking a wide survey of women asking them what they want to hear in bed. It’s not so much about dirty talk, but about those intimate times when you can tell she wants you to share your thoughts with her. Here’s a sample:
Don’t just say it like you mean it — actually mean it
Evolutionary psychologists have shown that women are programmed to be skeptical of what you say. It’s their way of protecting themselves from manipulative men who don’t want to commit to relationships.
Your move Avoid exaggerating. Tammy Nelson, Ph.D., a licensed psychotherapist and the author of Getting the Sex You Want, says the more a compliment is tailored to that specific woman, the more intimate and effective it is. “Use sensory words, like, ‘Your breasts are so soft,’ ‘I love the way you smell,’ ‘I love the sound of your voice,’ ” she says. “The more detailed your praise, the more personal it is to her — it shows her that you derive pleasure from her body, not just from any naked body.”
Our survey Women said they enjoy compliments about their breasts. Some of their favorites: “They fit your body perfectly” (Andrea, 26). “Your nipples are so hot. I’m so turned on when I see them get hard” (Courtney, 29). “They feel so good against my chest” (Sheri, 24).
The rest of the article is worth delving into as well, if only because it’ll keep you from getting slapped in the future. Our own personal advice when it comes to intimate talk during bedroom sessions: Stay away from using the phrase, “Well, that was sure a doozy!”
About Rick Mosely Rick is the editor for TSB magazine.