Four Styles of Dress
As the name already appropriately conveys, speakers of this language are confirming that they do not care in the least what happens to be hanging off of their frames. They often just grab whatever they can find that happens to be in a 4-foot radius of their general vicinity.
Dirty, sweaty, puked stained, it is of no consequence. Their appearance couldn’t be any less studied than a constantly inebriated freshman who never went to class. Speaking this language too frequently will often result in lonely weekends and notorious B.O.
Often Spoken When/After: 1) You’ve just rolled out of a bed from a night of heavydrinking and/or debauchery;
2) You haven’t had a significant other in awhile and have given up all hopes of ever finding one.
Native Speakers: Computer Techies, Those over 40 who have yet to move out of their mother’s basement, Seth Rogen
Those who are immersed in this language have a relaxed swagger about them, which for all intents and purposes is the definition of cool. They are expressing that they are very comfortable in their own skin and the only trend that they are currently following is their own. They usually come of as if they don’t need anyone, so of course everyone wants to be with them. It’s classified as wearing what flatters you and is simply an extension of who you are.
If you have a muscular or athletic build your clothes are usually of the fitted variety, that contrasts somewhat with your natural complexion, as to draw distinction to what you’ve been working hard to obtain. If you’re a guy a little on the “fuller” side that means wearing clothes that are looser and drape on you without drawing any unwanted attention to certain unflattering areas, and in fact only draw attention to your face which dressing coolly is supposed to do. Whether artist, musician, or businessperson your clothes speak to who you are, in a subtle way. This language is naturally spoken by clothes that naturally conform to your body type, as you don’t have to announce you’ve arrived, everyone knows it.
Often Spoken When/After: Walking into a place and getting nods of approval from fellow guys, and a waitress’s number on your dinner napkin all without saying a word.
Native Speakers: The guy your girlfriend keeps glancing at, the guy you keep glancing at, George Clooney and Miles Davis
This language could possibly derive from desiring so badly our female counterparts that we became them. Okay, I don’t mean lip gloss and pedicures(at least I hope not). I mean spending more time getting ready in the bathroom than they do. You can see it in the pristinely pressed jeans, matching undershirt, manpurse (satchel), polo, wristband, shoestrings, earring, and monogrammed underwear.
It’s one thing to dress cleanly and nicely, it’s another to spend more time deliberating on what to wear and what goes with your shoe strings than your potential misses. Your speaking that you could either be a bit obsessive in your dressing style or that you are trying way to hard to fit in by standing out in a bad way.
Often Spoken When/After: Those who pick up there girlfriend and then drive back to the their house to change because there girlfriend looks better than they do. A guy who has never dressed up a day in his life, and goes way overboard
Native Speakers: Male Models, Cast of Jersey Shore, Kanye West
The language is spoken by those who think that they are God’s gift to…well, God. No room is sufficient in size for them and their egos. These are the guys who think that people should pay them royalties every time that their name is mentioned in passing. The words, jerk, tool, prick and various others follow these people like relief once they’ve left a room.
Everything from overly padded suit jackets, to Italian mob type collars, to ostentatious t-shirts proclaiming what he just got done doing to your girlfriend, exemplifies their pervasive thinking that they are just that much better than you. They know this as a fact and want to make sure that you know it. Is it any wonder that characters Gordon Gecko, Tony Montana, and Spencer Pratt dress this way.
Often Spoken When/After: You’ve been talking with someone for twenty minutes and they have not asked you your name, your opinion on anything, and otherwise have not acknowledged your existence.
Native Speakers: The asshole who keeps looking over your shoulder for someone more important to talk to, those who speak in the third person, Donald Trump
About Marcus Green After being raised by his Grandfather on the finer points of men's style and how it relates to catching the eye of the opposite sex, Marcus engaged in formal study on the matter, and made it part of his life's mission to impart knowledge on those who have everything else in their arsenal, except how to dress to kill. He currently owns his own men's clothing store,The Lion's Den, and spends his time between Seattle, New York and Los Angeles.