Science Says Insecure People Better At Dating?
So, here’s a shocking little study. Instead of the usual image we have of a super-confident guy out on a date picking up vast amount of women with their suaveness and cool detachment, a new scientific study actually says that guys with very little confidence do better in the dating scene. Wait, what?
The students who had rated themselves as self-confident tended to bring to their courting tactics a hey-this-is-who-I-am approach that can come off as arrogant. The insecure, Brumbaugh found, are never that dumb. They seem to be acutely attentive to the other person’s needs. They share of themselves; they appear interesting, because they want desperately to seem that way. “Insecure individuals [present] themselves as warm, engaging, and humorous people,” Brumbaugh writes in the paper, published in the journal Personal Relationships. The self-confident may have these traits, too, but they’ll stop working so hard when their game’s not proving successful.
Insecure people don’t give up so easily. The same hyperawareness that attends their daily lives—always dressing of-the-moment, always listening to the right new band—also helps when talking with a potential boyfriend or girlfriend. It may be that the insecure are able to perceive how they’re being perceived, then mask their undesirable traits, or at the least counteract them with knowing jokes on the array of topics that their insecurities force them to stay up on. “There seem to be,” says Brumbaugh, “these interesting side effects of being insecure.”
Unfortunately, being a Woody Allen-type neurotic is not a cure-all when it comes to picking up girls. As the article goes on to say:
The only problem is that the insecure are eventually found out. “Insecurity leads to problems like poor communications, and anxious people in particular are jealous,” Brumbaugh says.
So where does that leave us? Quite simply, it’s best to be secure with your inner self (obviously), but not allow that to delve over the line into asshole-ish type of braggart behavior. It’s a tricky line to navigate, but not so complicated if you focus on this little tidbit from the study in mind:
“Insecure individuals [present] themselves as warm, engaging, and humorous people.”
I mean, insecure or extremely confident, girls are going to want to be with people who are “warm, engaging and humorous.” That’s kind of obvious. So just keep your self-confidence high and continue highlighting these qualities while out on a date — leaving aside those asshole elements — and you’ll be fine.
About Rick Mosely Rick is the editor for TSB magazine.