Give Your Interactions The Best Possible Start!
If you don’t like the pressure you have to take, while you’re getting a conversation spinning, just after approaching her, this article may be useful.
OK. One way to add enough value to get her invested, is to banter and plow a bit after the opener. This can work well, but can sometimes involve a few ‘tests’ from her – where she either says something that makes you feel ‘on the back-foot’, or like you’re being ‘judged’. It’s common to feel a little ‘pressure’ while you do this – you need to be observant, think quickly and creatively, while appearing calm and composed.
Part of getting good at daygame is learning how to take the pressure of these little tests of hers, and say clever comebacks (or just seem super calm and relaxed – unreactive). It gets easier with experience, and is a skill worth learning.
BUT – there’s another way to get her to fully hook sooner, and invest on you – seeking rapport, and generally opening-up to the conversation. That can remove some of this pressure.
Sounds obvious – but here’s my point.
Would you rather have to take 3 minutes of pressure while you banter and plough through a lot of initial resistance, while you ‘build the bridge’ – OR would you rather take TEN SECONDS of higher pressure at the start, to ‘get it over and done with’?
A good metaphor: You’re the star of an action movie, where there’s just been a plane crash, and survivors floating in the wreckage need to swim to safety. BUT there’s a load of burning aircraft fuel you have to hold you breath to swim under, to get out of the situation. It’s the same kind of thing while opening (hmmm, a bit less dramatic maybe – I hope 😉
If you can ‘hold your breath’ for ten seconds, the rest of the interaction could be plain-sailing.
If you open really strongly, with good vibe and decisive action, she may be attracted immediately, and give you full invested answers straight away even to boring questions. She’s made 90% of her decision about you, just based on the power and composure of your opener.
Now – I’m not saying you forget about plowing – BUT if you find you’re often ‘fighting an uphill battle’ thinking of things to say, and getting her investing in the first few minutes – and girls are giving you monosyllable answers to your works of banter-art, then maybe you’d benefit from spending a week really tightening up your first ten seconds of interaction.
Now, if you acquire the skill to make her like you just by opening – any extra banter you bust out just after that will really turbo-charge things, rather than just ‘get your foot in the door.’ Still banter if you want to – but from a place of power! Own the interaction.
Cool – but HOW do you strengthen your opening? There are already some good articles about this on daygame.com, but here’s a few extra ideas of mine to add to that:
The way you frame your approach, to yourself can make a big difference on your overall vibe. Girls tune into the subtleties between the words, so it’s good to get the right ‘flavor’ to your energy.
Bad vibe-frames to be thinking to yourself (and therefore showing through your movements and facial expressions) in the moments just before and during the approach: “I hope she likes me,” “I NEED to get her number,” “What’s my transition? / Would she make a good girlfriend” (thinking too far ahead!)
Good vibes-frames: “I’m going to share a fun little ‘joke’ with this girl – by making her attracted to me,” “She looks bored – let’s make her afternoon more fun,” “I’ve dated girls this hot before, so she’s crazy not to go for this,” “She’s super hot – most guys can’t do this,” etc., etc.
My two personal favorite frames while learning this stuff were: “Screw it – let’s see what happens!” and “This isn’t really happening.” (Now, that takes the pressure off!)
If you force yourself to get into the habit of seeing your approach in a positive light, and taking some of the pressure-to-succeed off your shoulders, it will really strengthen your vibe, and subtly affect your body-language, voice, etc. And obviously all this makes your opening more solid. More fun, more attractive, and less threatening for the girl.
With your body!
Mark Mowgli explains the idea of express-not-impress in terms of what you say, really well in his article. How does this principle translate to body language and energy, as you open? Well, her beauty has caused all this emotional energy to well up in your body. If you get approach anxiety, then your current habit is to let the energy cycle back in on you – drowning in frustration, and inaction – obviously not the best experience!
How about an alternative? Let the emotional energy a gorgeous girl inspires within you flow outwards and propel your body and words into action. Moving your feet decisively towards her, and then opening her with something either spontaneous, or at least very sincerely expressed. No thought, just action. Let your desire motivate you to take unthinking value giving action, rather than let it spiral in on you as you stand still on the spot, over-thinking your “opening strategy.”
So, to sum the whole thing up:
1. Get into the mental habit of approaching with frames that are fun, for both her, and you.
2. If the sight of her makes you feel good emotions, let them out by actually approaching, and doing that immediately. Honest words, honest body-language!
About Russ Snakeskin Russ Snakeskin is an instructor with Daygame.com. Using various tools to help you reduce approach anxiety, and unstifle your natural creative & social skills, Russ can teach you how to open in a variety of ‘inappropriate’ environments – until daygame becomes an automatic ‘opportunistic’ skill you can use, whenever/wherever you need it