What it Really Means to Be “In State”
I don’t know why I chose to go to school in Boston as I really hate the cold. I just can’t stand the frigid winter nights that my fellow life-long New Englanders seem to easily endure. But for some reason, the artic breeze blowing in my face didn’t seem so bad that evening and did nothing to deter my excessively sociable mood.
On the outskirts of campus, I walked into a packed, third floor apartment filled with all the accoutrements of a typical college party: drinking games, loud house music, beautiful women and massive quantities of alcohol. With a number of close friends in attendance along with a good mix of casual acquaintances and random guests, I found myself in a situation where I could showcase the entire gamut of my game, all without even really trying.
One minute I had my group of friends bursting into laughter as we played flip cup then the next minute I was chugging beers with people I had just met while playing pong. Effortlessly I’d alternate between flirting with girls from my dorm, talking with a few female friends and introducing myself to each new person who crossed my path.
I essentially became the life of the party.
As the night wound down, a breathtaking blonde actually approached me as I chatted up two girls sitting on the living room couch. A friend of a friend, she inquired as to why we never hung out or even spoken to each other before. As if it was a sign from God, I took her opener and ran with it. Suffice to say the night ended on a high note.
But how did I get to this point and why was I so sociable with everyone that evening? The key was being in state – but it’s not exactly what you might think.
In the seduction community’s heyday, the phrase “being in state” meant having a positive emotional mindset during a pick-up where everything just seems to click and go right. Flirtatious words flow with ease and interactions with women advance seamlessly.
The flaw in this line of thinking has always been the notion that the pick-up artist has to warm-up to be in state, often requiring approaching less attractive women to build confidence or various other ridiculous actions to prepare someone just to have fun. However, students of game should adopt a new mindset when talking about being in state that encompasses every single social interaction of person, not just approaches.
The scene I previously described never mentioned me waiting around, trying to psyche myself up before talking to a girl. I had entered the venue already primed and ready to go because I’m constantly sociable everywhere I go and with everyone I meet.
If I’m at the grocery store, I talk with the cashier. If I’m waiting in line at a café, I’ll shoot the shit with whoever else is in queue for an overpriced latté.
By constantly staying sociable regardless of the location or who’s around, an aspiring lothario will always be in state and ready to approach if a girl happens to catch his eye. This means widening the scope of being in state into a lifestyle choice.
If you truly consider yourself a ladies’ man, then the charm and charisma displayed during a pick-up should be present 24/7. By staying in the moment and being involved in everyday experiences, an introvert can quickly break their shyness and an already outgoing person can become the suave center of attention.
The caveat to always being in state is acting in the appropriate manner dependent upon the situation. That means it is WRONG to be constantly “gamey”, or being in a pick-up mindset.
Don’t mistake being in state with trying to approach or use tactics during every day social interaction. That just comes off as extremely creepy and off-putting, which will eventually lead to you becoming a pariah of your social circle.
Being in state has two factors: living in the moment and having the willingness to act, but in the appropriate manner.
You want to always be talkative and personable, making you that easy to relate to guy that everyone seems to like. To cultivate that persona, you have to know what’s going on around you, listening to what people are saying and observing their actions so that you can react in the right way.
If I am talking with my professor, for example, I’m not going to use attraction gambits or any of the other pick-up techniques. I’m simply just going to be smiling and upbeat, listening to her advice on a paper while creating good rapport that will put a positive image of me in her mind.
Although this does not have an immediate effect on my game, when I go out that evening, this interaction will be another positive moment during the day that will help fuel my upbeat state, which can only help when I make an approach.
However, on a personal level, it is impossible for a human being to always be happy and sociable. What that means with regards to state is being congruent with your own emotions.
Sometimes you just don’t feel like being sociable, and it shouldn’t be forced. But by not letting negative attitudes or outside stimuli linger, then it will be easier to keep a positive overarching mindset and state of mind.
Don’t limit being in state to those brief few interactions when you are approaching women at a nightclub or at a bar. Be appropriately sociable throughout your day and you will notice a drastic improvement in your game as well as in your general outlook of life.
About Matt Juul Matt Juul is loving college life as he pursues a career in journalism and cinema. A freelance writer, his interests and expertise range from personal development and dating to fitness and the martial arts. Currently based out of Boston, Matt spends his free time training in MMA, as he hopes to get in the cage soon!