Top Five Movies of Natasha Lyonne
In less than a month, “American Reunion” reunites the stars of the teen comedy classic “American Pie” and puts them in the middle of their high school reunion. Since high school reunions mean reminiscing about all those past good times, I figured it would be a good time to reminisce about all the good movies that the lovely ladies of “American Pie” have graced with their beauty. To start this list, I nominate the lovely Natasha Lyonne.
Interesting choice, I hear you muttering under your breath or screaming at your computer. “It’s 2012,” you’re saying. You poke your friend and whisper, “The world could end at any moment.” To that I say, well, it looks like those smart guys, the Mayans, with all of their susceptibility to smallpox and crazy calendars that don’t have cute pictures of kittens had it wrong. We have an almost infinite amount of time to discuss the lovely “American Pie” stars until the world ends, because it won’t end in 2012. Why? If the Mayans weren’t advanced enough to put kittens on their calendar, how can they know when Armageddon will be? My sources say Ragnarok has something to do with kittens. That’s why the Illuminati take videos of them and post them on YouTube so that they can analyze the kitten’s actions when they are young and more apt to accidentally release their world dominating plans. So, because the cats and kittens of the world are operating on their time and still distracted by the Knights Templar’s magical “balls of string”, we have plenty of time to talk about the movies of Natasha. We also have plenty of time in the year to discuss the other stars of “American Pie.” With all the mentions of “American Pie,” I’m sure you can guess at least one of Natasha’s top five movies.
Not only do you get Natasha, you get Mia Kirshner (“Exotica”) and Chloe Sevigny (“Shattered Glass”) for all of your beautiful girl needs. Sprinkle in Macaulay Culkin, Seth Green and Marilyn Manson in this story about a club kid and you’ve got a wonderful cross section of beautiful strangeness crying out to be watched while tripping balls. Not that I endorse such behavior.
I would say the polar opposite of club kids would be the Kiss Army, but even as I write that, I realize that they are probably 90% the same. Young kids that dig music and people that dress in strange clothes with lots of make-up. Yep. Same. Just different drugs.
Because I’m the timeliest of writers, I want to mention Michele Bachmann and her husband Marcus, and then mention that they probably inspire you to sit down and watch a movie about trying to turn gays and lesbians straight. Now, if you’ll excuse me I have to attend a camp for writers that try to force references that are six months old.
How does this one top “American Pie”? Well, I hate to say it, but in my book of ranking Second City alumni, Alan Arkin > Eugene Levy. Not that there’s anything wrong with Levy, but based purely on “The In-Laws” Arkin beats just about anyone.
Agree? Disagree? Which movies would make your Natasha Lyonne top five?
About Jason McClain Jason is an aspiring novelist, which means there is a lot of time to put off writing and watch baseball or go fly-fishing, hiking and traveling. By "a lot of time", Jason means "procrastination."