Dating Success And The Victim Mentality

When you are trying to improve your game with women there are a number of strategic “tweaks” you can make, that will help you to see massive improvements. However, today I want to talk about something even more powerful that can have a much greater impact…

I just got back from eating Chinese food with my girlfriend and my fortune cookie said this:

“The mind is everything, what you think you become.”

…Which is a quote from Siddhartha, the founder of Buddhism. So what does he mean here?

That your THOUGHTS create your reality, including your reality with women.

Think about it, if you spend all day thinking about building muscle, you’ll become a muscle man. If you spend all day thinking about ways to get rich, you’ll end up as a guy with a lot of money, etc. You choose what you want to focus on, and then whatever you focus on becomes your reality.

Now this being said, I’m not one of these new-agey people into “manifesting” or any of that stuff. The fact is that you still need to take ACTION on whatever it is that you are thinking about. But in most cases your thoughts will natural guide your behaviors – I mean how many guys think about building muscle all day who don’t also go to the gym all the time and drink lots of protein shakes?

Don't victimize yourself

The key is to get your thoughts straight FIRST so that they can guide your actions towards whatever it is that you want… For example, hot women.

But, you may wonder if this is the case, then why isn’t your life already full of hot women? I mean you probably already spend hours every day thinking about them right?

I’ve coached a great number of guys over the past few years, and in EVERY case, the guy’s problem was that he was “thinking” about things wrong. The main problem is that they think about THEMSELVES wrong in relation to women. They’ve got what we call – the “Victim Mentality.”

If you look down at the comments section of this blog you are liable to find a number comments from guys who have a victim mentality. These are dudes who aren’t getting laid, and who like to say that dating and pick up advice is a bunch of horse shit… since it never “worked” for them. They say things like “women have all the power” and “it’s all about looks and money,” etc…

These guys see themselves as victims who can’t win because the odds are stacked against them. They believe this to be the case, so they act like victims and then they actually BECOME victims of their own shitty thinking.

These guys don’t fail because the tactics they are learning suck, they fail because their thinking is fundamentally flawed from the get-go. So no matter how many tactics they learn they’ll never be able to apply them correctly or consistently anyhow.

And once you are thinking straight you naturally begin to do the right things and “tactics” become common sense.

But I’m not really writing this article for guys who are trapped in this victim mindset. I’d love to help them, but honestly this one article probably won’t be able to convince them that they are the ones “victimizing” themselves…

I’m writing this for guys who feel like they CAN improve with women and who are looking for ways to improve. Guys who want to learn new concepts and strategies for success. If you are one of these guys my number one piece of advice is to get rid of any trace of the victim mentality that you might be carrying around with you.

Learn to view things more positively so that you can feel empowered even when others are throwing their hands up in despair.

When you meet a women you’ve got to think like a winner and assume that she probably would want to date you. If she doesn’t, then she probably wasn’t all that great anyway so why dwell on it?

You gotta keep it movin’

For more strategies and mindsets for massive success with women Click over to my website and download these 2 FREE reports — Limited time FREE Offer

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About Jake Vandenhoff Jake Vandenhoff is a dating coach and author specializing in self-development and online dating. He offers an array of programs to help guys succeed with women naturally, without relying on outdated PUA tactics. His Online Dating Playbook offers step-by-step instructions for meeting girls online, and connecting with them authentically. Visit to claim a free copy of Jake's Online Dating Secrets eCourse.