Don’t Measure Your Success by Your Marriage Status
I?m at the point in my life where a good portion of my friends are getting or already are married. Despite all of the perks (freedom, not being nagged on a daily basis, money to spend on actual fun things), being single has its drawbacks for many. Talking with my boys recently, a few opened up about how weird it is to be single while many of our friends are getting married and some even having kids. They feel inferior and immature. To these friends I say, ?Dude, you?re all good.?
Watching others, particularly your friends, succeed is a great thing. Watching them reach pivotal life transitions well before you, however, can be crushing. I can say I was a little envious of a good friend of mine a few years ago. Here I was working at a coffee shop, single and hardly any money to my name, and my friend was getting married, had a great career, and was about to buy a house. Shit.
For some reason, lots of guys forget about all the good things they have when they see others succeed. It?s like you forget just how good you have it just because some other guy happens to be a winner that day. What many guys forget is that they too can and will reach those pivotal stages in life, so long as they stop comparing themselves and start taking action.
Another thing to remember when comparing yourself to others is that looks can be deceiving. That friend of yours with the hot wife and mansion in the Hamptons just might hate his marriage and want to jump from the tenth floor.
A lot of guys feel pressured to take big steps long before they?re ready just so they can feel like they?re measuring up. Guys propose after dating women sometimes as long as only a few months in “order to feel like they?re on the same level as their peers. Not only is this insanely childish, but a recipe for disaster. There?s a good chance you?ll end up divorced and/or hating your life if you make decisions based on how much they?ll make you feel like you?re ?one of the guys.?
Rather than focus on keeping up with your friends, put that energy into pursuing the life you want. Focus on your own goals and succeed in your own way. If you?re way more into starting a business than you are settling down, go for it. You just might find that ten years down the road you?re happier than that married friends of yours. And maybe by then you?ll be ready to tie the knot yourself. At least you?ll have more cash to blow on an open bar.
If you?re married, congrats and good luck. If you?re not, don?t worry about it. Congratulate your friends for succeeding and focus on achieving your own goals. Your worth is not defined by your marriage status, job or any of that stuff. Don?t get down at the next wedding you attend. Pat your bro on the back and enjoy as many free shots of vodka as you can.
About John Brhel John Brhel is a freelance writer from upstate New York that enjoys picking apart life's idiosyncrasies and listening to Huey Lewis & the News.