The Player’s Guide To Breaking Up
It doesn’t matter how it happened, you got dumped or dumped someone, breaking up is absolutely horrible. This article is going to focus on “How To Break Up” and then on “How To Get Over A Break Up” (if you were emotionally involved).
I’ve been asked this question a million times by my readers, mostly concerned about how to do it without hurting the girl’s feelings, so here’s what you should do.
First of all NEVER jump into a relationship. As previously discussed in the “how to date multiple women” article, it’s important to establish things from the very beginning, meaning that if you don’t want a relationship YOU should tell her the darn honest truth.
Even if you do this to the best of your knowledge, or avoided it because you just wanted to sleep with her (by telling her anything she wanted to hear) you’ll see that the woman starts to get emotional involved. Sadly, if that happens it’s impossible to break up with her without hurting her feelings.
This could be viewed as the ending of an emotional relationship, meaning it would be impossible without hurting someone emotionally.
So let’s say that she’s starting to fall in love with you and you aren’t really feeling it. The most important thing that you can do is to tell her what you feel. Just tell her that you don’t want to be serious and that you don’t feel the same way. It’s going to hurt her regardless how you do it, but at least this way you’re being honest and she’s going to respect you for that. Often enough you’ll even see her turning into a f**k buddy, but you’ll also see another one leaving because she just can’t take the pain.
Another important thing is that when you say it, she won’t really believe you because you’re not actually DOING IT. You might tell her that you don’t want a relationship at the moment but she won’t leave you and soon enough you’ll find yourself in all sorts of boyfriend situations (come meet my parents, come hang out with my friends etc).
What’s important to remember here is that you need to DO what you claim to feel. It doesn’t matter that you don’t want a relationship, if you act like a boyfriend she’s going to get really upset that “you’re not her boyfriend”. If you don’t act like one, she won’t have anything to complain about.
When it comes to breaking up and keeping women for casual sex there’s 2 very important things that you need to remember. Be absolutely honest and open and make sure you back up your words with actions.
This can happen to all of us. It has happened to me and it’s going to happen to men all over the world. If you had an emotional involvement into a relationship, dealing with a break-up is always going to be hard. It will be especially hard if you get dumped but even if you break-up with her (for whatever reason) and you were emotionally involved, it’s still going to hurt like hell.
This is one of the moments where you can thank God (or any other deity) that you are a man and not a woman. Having a logical brain (and not emotional, like women) means that you can deal with this much faster and easier that any women could ever do.
First thing you need to realize and keep repeating to yourself is that IT’S GOING TO BE OK. It’s not the end of the world, she wasn’t the only girl on this planet, you got her, you can get thousands more, you’ll be fine. As soon as you’ve got that down into your head, you’re already half way there.
Now, coming back to why you should be happy that you’re a man is because your brain has the outstanding capability to think and do whatever you want it to do. This means that in order to get over a break-up efficiently, you need to concentrate your brain on anything else but her and the relationship.
You can do this because you’re a man and here are a few things TO do in order to keep your mind away from all the pain and suffering.
That’s right, contrary to the popular belief that the best remedy is the rebound girl, I honestly believe that will do more worse than good and here’s why. Let’s say you manage to get your mind of her and the relationship, if you go out, meet a new girl and have sex with her, you’re much more prone to remembering what you had with the other one etc.
This can have devastating consequences as being so emotionally damaged; you could actually start another relationship just out of stupidity. Also, you might get rejected a lot because you’re already under emotional stress (very bad for your game) and that’s going to depress you even more.
So, best thing to do is to give to yourself a FEW weeks or even ONE MONTH if the relationship was serious. Take time for yourself. Learn to enjoy time by yourself, listen to your favorite music, do the things you couldn’t do in the relationship and embrace this change. Soon you’ll realize that it’s no big deal and things will be fine.
Another great thing that keeps your mind of things is exercise. Studies have shown that people who exercise process negative emotions faster and are depressed for far shorter spans of time. So, going to the gym and working out will not only take your mind of her but it will also help speed things up.
This happens because exercise will speed up your metabolism which also speeds up emotional recovery. Plus, working out releases endorphins into your brain which makes you feel good making it an even better remedy for break-ups.
This may sound bad but believe me it isn’t. As previously mentioned, men’s brains have the capability to ban certain thoughts at will. This also makes us crap at multitasking but that’s a different problem.
If you focus your mind ON work, work is the only thing you think about. If you only think about work, you won’t think about her anymore. This is not a long term solution but its fantastic way to get over those first few weeks. You’re basically channeling those negative emotions into something productive.
It doesn’t have to be work, it can also be your hobbies or whatever else keeps your mind occupied. I personally have a tendency to work incredibly long hours when I’m depressed and as shocking as this may seem I come up with fantastic results that make me feel a lot better about myself and life in general.
If you’ve been dumped this is the best thing you can do. Turn all those negative feelings into MOTIVATION. Say something like “I’m going to make so much money/look so great that will make her soo jealous” – this will eventually start as doing it for her but will soon turn into you realizing what you’ve accomplished and taking advantage of it and improving your life (not to mention, FORGETTING about that chick that didn’t know how to appreciate you).
Turn your pain and suffering into your own success.
Another great break-up remedy is your friends. Hanging out with your friends will immediately make you feel better and forget about her as long as you are with them. When you’re in a relationship you don’t get AS much time with your friends, so breaking up is a fantastic way to get back to that.
When I say be with your friends, I’m not referring to going out in clubs and hooking up with women, go to their house, relax, laugh, play video games, watch sports, do sports, drink beer and generally have a good time. You will find that your friends are the best remedy and fastest way to ease that pain.
This is the sort of stuff I discuss on my blog and in the free eBook I give out. If you want to increase your success with women, visit http://ThePlayerGuide.com – a place where the dating mindset is thrown out the window in favor of more direct and fruitful methods of meeting and seducing women.
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About Alex Matlock Alex Matlock is an expert in dating and woman psychology. Apart from working on his PHD in Social Psychology and writing for TSBmag he also owns ThePlayerGuide - a place where the "dating" mindset is thrown out the window in favor of more direct (and fruitful) methods of meeting and seducing women.