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Why Women Don’t Have “All The Power” When It Comes To Dating


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Why Men Have the Power in Dating

One thing I hear a lot of guys say about the dating game is that “women have all the power”. This is a common refrain amongst guys who have been unsuccessful and have become jaded. They’ll tell you about how a good-looking woman can date anybody she wants and how you have to have some amazing attributes in order to have a chance with the desirable woman.

Take back the power

This drives me absolutely crazy, because it’s just not reality. I know a lot of women who would be considered nines or tens, and I tell you, these girls do not feel like they have all the power AT ALL!

The reason that guys think women have all the power, is because they personally feel powerless. But rather than taking a look at themselves and asking where this powerless mindset is coming from, they act like it’s some sort of irrefutable law of the universe that they are being oppressed by. So, here are a few reasons why women don’t have all the power… Hopefully by internalizing these truths you’ll come to see that dating really is an open and fair playing field…

REASON #1) Just Because She’s “Hot” Doesn’t Mean She Can Get Any Guy She Wants

Many guys wrongfully assume that because a woman is what they may consider a nine or a 10 that she automatically can have any guy that she wants to be her boyfriend or husband and this is just simply not the case. This misconception is based on the false assumption that because you think she’s hot and you want her, every other guy feels the same way. The fact is that guys who are good at dating and have a lot of options with women don’t just go gaga over every cute looking girl. Personally I’ve known dozens and dozens of women considered “hot” that I wouldn’t touch with a 10 foot pole because there is something about their personality that I just couldn’t deal with. I’m not saying that if I was drunk, I might not fall victim, but sober these “hotties” aren’t good enough for me, because I have other women I would rather be spending my time with.

REASON #2) women get dumped and cheated on all the time

One of my biggest a-ha moments came when I realized that women I considered goddesses can get dumped just like the rest of us. You might think because a woman is sexy and has a cool personality that any guy that got to be her boyfriend would want to keep her around forever. But what you’ll find is that sometimes a few months after you’ve started dating a girl who initially seemed perfect all of a sudden she’s doing things that are bugging the shit out of you. Or, maybe you find somebody else you like even better and decide that it’s time to move along. Now if you don’t have experience dating desirable women you might not know that this happens but believe me it does! It seems like my girlfriend is always getting tearful phone calls from her friends when the guys they’re seeing end it with them.

REASON #3) things shift over time

When you are young guy (like under 25), it can seem like the girls you know have a ton a guys after them, and you don’t have nearly as many girls trying to get with you. One of the reasons for this is because guys of all ages are attracted to younger women in their early 20s. But as you get a little bit older what you’ll find is that you’ll become more in demand by women of all ages. It’s kind of unfair for women actually, but as they get into their 30s and 40s they get less and less attention from men even if they’re still looking great and are awesome women all around. You also find that younger women will be very easy for you to pick up on because you’ll be a little bit more worldly and established and you can leverage those attractive attributes quite easily.

One area where many guys seem convinced that women have all the power is in online dating. But again this is really not the case. Sure women get a lot more e-mails typically than guys do on dating sites. But if you know what you’re doing you can blast past all of your competition and have so many women interested that you get to be the one who picks and chooses.

My new Special Report explains how to make women desire and pursue YOU on dating sites. It’s available as a free PDF Download (limited time only) ===>> Click Here to visit my site and download your free PDF report!

About Jake Vandenhoff

Jake Vandenhoff is a dating coach and author specializing in self-development and online dating. He offers an array of programs to help guys succeed with women naturally, without relying on outdated PUA tactics. His Online Dating Playbook offers step-by-step instructions for meeting girls online, and connecting with them authentically. Visit to claim a free copy of Jake's Online Dating Secrets eCourse.

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  1. John

    August 4, 2012 at 4:44 pm

    I am over 50. Never much luck with women from early
    on. Was married for yrs but not to a hot woman. A friend taught me to lead and think of myself as in charge. Phenomenal difference. Not every woman is interested but a lot are. Was looking for women in 40s. I look about 45. Am with a30 yr old we were drawn by similar experiences. She is a ten.i am an old can be done

    • Rham

      August 22, 2012 at 10:03 pm


      I do not believe you. Why would a 10 date an over 50 year old guy? Well its because you are a good looking over 50 year old guy and you probably have some bucks in the bank.


      Women do have all the power. Lets fact it, women have the power to choose. And most are very picky. They go for the best, the tallest, the fittest, the wealthiest. No PUA tactics or charm is going to work. Women want to gain something – what do they have to gain with a guy who is less than that? Nothing….

      Online dating? Women have even more power. Its like shopping to them. If you are not at least over 5’10 and look really good, you have no chance. They will go on to the next guy that is at least 6’1 and looks good. Its all about height, photos and pics for online…..

      • Rham

        August 24, 2012 at 3:49 pm

        Women that are hot do have their choice in relative terms.

        Are you kidding me here? They pretty much write their own ticket. A hot woman can pretty much have any guy she wants (with exceptions of certain married men, geographic proximity, sexual orientation, religious reasons,ect).

        Yes many might be head cases but men will flock to them pretty much.

        Also I quote from your article “The reason that guys think women have all the power, is because they personally feel powerless. But rather than taking a look at themselves and asking where this powerless mindset is coming from, they act like it’s some sort of irrefutable law of the universe that they are being oppressed by.” – Well most guys are powerless unless you are tall, look good and have money or status. Lets be real here, its not totally a mindset. Now granted if you are a slob and dont take care of yourself or if you never leave your home, then yes you are going to have problems. If you are a guy that goes out and tries but just does not have the goods and you have always dated say 5’s and 6’s, you will most likely maybe date a 7 but that is it.

        This whole PUA thing is a delusion. Women are in control of dating and pretty much always have been. There really is no hope unless you can prove otherwise.

    • Anonymous

      August 23, 2014 at 2:33 am

      Basically women can “date up” but they have to “marry down,” and men will “date down” but will only “marry up”. Men realize this from a young age because to get sex we have to drop our standards. It often takes women a lot longer to realize that in order to get married she will eventually have to “marry down” (settle) or stay single. The longer she waits, the older she gets and the more she will have to compromise.

      That’s why women find dating so difficult.

      If your parents were both 6s, your mother could have spent her 20s hooking up with 8s – but your father couldn’t have. Young women days often do that these days. However, when these women reach their late 20s / 30s they will have to drop back down to dating 6s if they want to secure commitment. This process is difficult to accept because after 10 years of hooking-up with 8s she will have to realize that in fact she was only a 6 the whole time (the same applies for 5s hooking up with 7s, 4s with 6s etc). Truly hypergamous women never realize/accept it and so they keep getting dumped, or stay single.

      “Settling” isn’t the best term to use because it sounds depressing. Perhaps we should say “realignment of priorities?”

      I also agree with you on the idea of a soul-mate. I don’t believe in “the one” as such, rather “the timing” – people who just happen to be looking for the same thing at the same time, and then they meet each other.
      And this is why women going for someone out of her league has much more impact on the sexual market than a man doing so. She’ll get laid and he won’t.
      Women generally get more dating options even after accounting for the degenerates, criminals and creeps (read unattractive men) and having more options moulds you into different people, whether you like to accept or not. Having more options makes you selective. At the very least it gives you some validation. It makes you less desperate. It gives you a better idea of what kind of men are best for you because you have the privilege to date so many people. Most men just get down on their knees and flip out a ring for the 1st or 2nd woman who show mild interest in them. Most guys simply arent selective and dont have the long checklists because they never get so many options.

      And after a break up or divorce, women are in most cases better off. They can start an active dating and sex life soon after divorce. Its so common to see single freshly divorced moms having sexual relationships with good looking men. Meanwhile most divorced men have no one but prostitutes to turn to. Its all about “options’ and women have more of them.

      Women rarely experience sexual rejection. So even when a man isnt interested in committing, it at least validates her as a sexual desirable being. Atleast he found her attractive enough to have sex and share intimacy with. This reminds me of the fact that women never get friend-zoned. Its always a Friend-with-Benefit zone. It is so much better than simply being limited and confined to a non sexual being by the object of your affection/crush.

  2. Tony

    September 24, 2012 at 1:02 am

    Yes this is a pretty crazy article.

    Beautiful women do have total power, especially for online. It is basically all about looks for online. A handsome guy will go along way with online. Its window shopping my friend. Pure window shopping. Women are looking for criteria like height, good facial features and good build.

    I wish there was better advice to be had.

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