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Must-Read: Labor Day Fun With Aliens!

Today’s Labor Day, so, as is our tradition, we are going to mostly keep from posting — except for this here post that you’re reading — because really there’s not a lot of people around to read it. But we feel as though we HAVE to put something up in this space, for when the various history writers go through the archives of TSB, come across this day, and wonder why it was a day that was kept mostly dark. Plus, some of you may be stuck with terrible jobs that force you to change the glorious three-day weekend into just a normal weekend. This, then, is for you folks.

Take 'em out!

So, you know what, for the hell of it, let’s just head on over to take a gander at the best ways to kill aliens, you know, if there’s some kind of alien attack. Because why? you ask. Because it’s Labor Day today and why the hell not?

For example, if the movies have taught us anything, it’s that aliens can be taken care of with some heavy drug input:

No.5 Drugs

Works best against: The body-snatching aliens from The Faculty.

In this modern genre classic, a stoner played by Josh Hartnett leads a band of rebellious students against an army of aliens who?ve taken up residence in the bodies of their high school teachers. To defeat the foreign-bodied faculty, they use a homemade diuretic, which depletes the creatures of the excessive amounts of water they need to survive. We imagine that it also gave them really bad alien gas.

So, you know. Now you know! Enjoy the rest of your Labor Day, everyone. Don’t work too hard everyone.

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About Rick Mosely Rick is the editor for TSB magazine.

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