Want Women? Then Don’t Be Afraid To Call the Shots
There are many men in the world today who are afraid to be assertive with others so they end up acting in very passive and unattractive ways. This is a very serious problem that can keep you from having success in many different areas of your life, particularly with women.
I’m not a psychologist, and I don’t want to delve too deeply into root causes for this epidemic of passivity, but I think a lot of it probably comes from childhood and the way that boys are taught to “be good” and not be pushy. Stand in line, lower your voice, wait your turn, go along with everything teacher says and you’ll get a gold star and a cookie.
Guys grow up trying not to offend anyone or have any sort of conflict because they think that they will be rewarded for that kind of behavior. When in reality they are being trained to be sheep. Lambs to the slaughter.
Now obviously we need social rules and constructs to keep people from just going nuts and having a big old anarchist orgy, no doubt. But, in your own life, it is important to have the strength to stand up for yourself and make decisions for yourself rather than just trying to please others all the time.
This is important, because you can’t just assume that other people are going to do things in your best interest. In fact you can pretty much assume that other people will NOT act with your best interests in mind. You need to step up, and claim your slice of pie or somebody else is gonna eat it. And bottom line, women don’t want to be with the passive dude who gets stepped on by life.
To make this a bit more concrete for you here are a few things you can do to build your assertiveness and get more of what you want out of life:
From the minute that you step outside of your house in the morning there are people asking you to do things for them. The homeless guy wants a dollar, the guy with the clipboard wants you to sign a petition, your friend wants to borrow your car, your boss wants you to come in to work on Saturday. It never ends. So you have a choice. you can either get smacked around like a pinball inside a machine and live your life to please others or you can learn how to say no, and say it often.
This is particularly effective when dealing with attractive women who are used to guys kissing their butts and agreeing with everything that they say. Not that you should say no to girls just to be disagreeable, but for heaven’s sake don’t be a spineless jellyfish in your relationships.
There are a lot of disrespectful people in the world, and they will treat you poorly unless you stand up for yourself. This can be hard if you’ve been trained to avoid conflict, but it is a necessary step towards being a man in the full sense of the word. That said, you will still need to let a lot of stuff slide, but you need to set boundaries for what you will and will not tolerate from others and be firm with them. For example if a girl that you are seeing starts breaking dates one after the other, you can’t just accept it and cop an “I’ll take what I can get” attitude. Remember, just because she’s hot doesn’t mean you can let her walk all over you.
The way that you walk and talk says a lot about how assertive or passive you are, and people will treat you accordingly. To start, make sure that you aren’t smiling and nodding all the time, as these are very passive body language cues. Also work on maintaining eye contact and speaking in a slightly louder and clearer voice. It seems obvious but if you make a conscious effort to do these things you will be surprised at how differently others respond to you.
If you ask a passive guy what he wants for dinner he’ll say, “oh, I don’t know, what do you want?” in an attempt to avoid conflict and please others. This is a behavior that is a big turn off for women. A girl expects you to be able to confidently lead her and make decisions without deferring to anyone. That’s the male “gender role”, like it or not.
It’s also crucial to be able to ask for what you want in your relationship. For example, if you are on a first date, you need to be able to express your desire for her unapologetically and move things forward. If you don’t have the balls to do that, why should she want to see you again?
If you’ve been a passive guy in the past it can take a while to change things up and start calling the shots in your life. The most important thing is to get started right away…
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About Jake Vandenhoff Jake Vandenhoff is a dating coach and author specializing in self-development and online dating. He offers an array of programs to help guys succeed with women naturally, without relying on outdated PUA tactics. His Online Dating Playbook offers step-by-step instructions for meeting girls online, and connecting with them authentically. Visit www.jakevandenhoff.com to claim a free copy of Jake's Online Dating Secrets eCourse.