How a “Low Pressure” Approach Gets You More Women
One of the biggest mistakes guys make when they set out to “become successful with women” is that they put too much pressure on themselves. Whether they are pushing themselves to approach women when they aren’t really “feelin’ it” or pushing themselves to preform every time they go out on a date… It can all add up to a lot of unnecessary pressure and stress. And ironically all of this pressure can prove to be quite counter-productive.
A lot of this is connected to feeling like you’ve got “something to prove” or feeling like you need to make this happen fast. Often a guy will hit a certain age like 25 and think “geez, all my friends are in relationships or they are getting laid all over the place… and I’ve never even had a girlfriend… I need to catch up quick!” And they get themselves all worked up.
Unfortunately, this way of thinking can lead to a lot of problems. Women can instantly sense it when a guy has “something to prove” and it is not an attractive quality. This is why so many guys who “go hard” with all the pick up artist stuff still struggle. They try too hard, do too much, and ultimately care too much about getting a certain outcome. And this TOTALLY comes across to women in their interactions.
You’ve probably heard the term “work smarter not harder” right? Well this is highly applicable to your dating life.
Rather than trying to approach 1000 women in a month or whatever silly time frame, take a deep breath.
The girls aren’t going anywhere.
It reminds me of that old anecdote you may have heard about the two bulls sitting on the hill looking down at all the female cows grazing… The young bull turned to the older bull and said, “Hey, why don’t we run down there and f*ck one of those cows?” … The older, wiser bull replied, “let’s just walk down there, and f*ck ’em all…”
Man, I love that little story, because it illustrates this point so well. If you think that there is a rush and that you need to force things then you are going to scare a lot of girls away. But, if you chill and recognize the abundance then you can be like the alpha bull who gets ENDLESS opportunities to date and mate.
Here are a few tips on how to implement this powerful philosophy in your dating life:
For instance, when you meet up with a girl for a date, try to stay in the moment and vibe with her, rather than trying to execute some sort of master plan to get her back to your place. Obviously that would be a cool turn of events, but rather than obsessively thinking about how you are doing and what your next step should be, just focus on having fun with her. This kind of laid back, no-pressure vibe will be refreshing to your date and it will help her to open up and let down her defenses… Which will in turn make her more open to going home with you. (here’s a free report I wrote on first dates: 1st Dates Book )
In any situation, think about ways that you can make whatever you are doing more enjoyable and entertaining, without worrying about whether or not it will help you to get laid. So, if you are at a bar with a buddy, rather than just standing there like a lump scoping out the babes, talk to your boy about fun topics and be open to socializing with the other people around you… Whether they are other dudes, old people, unattractive women, it doesn’t matter. Not only will you start having more fun when you go out but women are much more attracted to men who are being social and having a good time than they are to
If it’s been a while since you slept with a woman it’s natural to get a bit frustrated and go on a do or die mission to get laid. And believe me I know how it feels to be in the midst of a dry spell that seems like it will never end. But that being said not every girl you meet is going to sleep with you the day that you meet her, or even the second day. But, from my own experience it is these women who are “harder” to get with, that end up being the most fun in the end. So don’t scare these chicks of by pressuring them to sleep with you right away… Just like the bulls on the hill, if you play your cards right you can get everything that want in life.
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About Jake Vandenhoff Jake Vandenhoff is a dating coach and author specializing in self-development and online dating. He offers an array of programs to help guys succeed with women naturally, without relying on outdated PUA tactics. His Online Dating Playbook offers step-by-step instructions for meeting girls online, and connecting with them authentically. Visit www.jakevandenhoff.com to claim a free copy of Jake's Online Dating Secrets eCourse.