Confidence is Complete Bullsh*t
Confidence is complete Bullsh*t
Yeah, that’s a pretty brave thing to open up with. But stick with me and I’ll explain how you’ve probably been conned by most of the self-help gurus out there into focusing on the WRONG thing to build your confidence.
Look, it’s a fact: Confidence building is one of the most important things for every person out there. Men and women.
We all want to look self-assured and powerful to other people. Not to mention, we just want to feel confident enough to try new things and venture out of our claustrophobic comfort zone.
– What women would you approach if you had more confidence?
– What business opportunities would you seek if you had more confidence?
– What kind of hobbies would you try if confidence was no longer an issue for you?
Well, the fact remains that most of us are focusing on getting more confidence – and it’s actually creating more anxiety and problems for us.
In a second I’ll explain why this is, and how you avoid this trap – so that you can have all the confidence you want – anytime, anyplace.
But first you need to understand that most of the modern self-help stuff focuses on how you overcome your fears when you’re in a situation where you lack confidence. But this is the worst thing possible for you, because when you focus on defeating your fear, you’re battling a monster that can NEVER be killed.
Sure, he can be battered into submission every once in a while, but usually he’s back – stronger than ever – the next time.
So what do you do? Give up?
You simple STOP FIGHTING FEAR.
It’s really that simple.
Because inevitably, when your mind knows that fear is there, you start to really hate the FEELING of fear. Because there’s a battle up ahead, yo!
Your mind starts to become conditioned to expect the sensation of fear, and it knows that it’s about to be put into battle mode once again, and then you start thinking this:
“Oh, man. Here we go again. Fear is coming.”
Then: “I hate this. It’s always painful. And it keeps coming back!”
And then: “Uh, maybe I can avoid it this time. Instead of getting into another long battle, I’ll just do something different instead of fighting the fear.”
And what usually happens is that you start to avoid situations where you might feel fear.
Because you know that you have to go through that long struggle with your own invincible emotions.
It’s like one of those movies where the bad guy keeps coming back and coming back and coming back…
It gets tiresome.
If it was as easy as John McClane throwing Hans Gruber off the Nakatomi building just once… well, that’d be just great. (In the movie “Die Hard” – which is required viewing for all men.)
But if Hans kept getting up and coming back after John again and again… well, that would be tiring and you’d simply turn the movie off. Not to mention just plain silly.
But that’s what FEAR is like. It’s the villain that *never* goes away.
So how do you overcome Fear once and for all?
You welcome it!
Embrace the Fear with wide open arms. Buy Fear a drink and an appetizer.
There’s a saying: “Keep my friends close, and keep my enemies CLOSER.”
That’s right on the money when it comes to your Fear.
You see, most guys out there run away from the feeling of fear, as I told you. When the sensation starts to creep into their mind, they avoid that situation. They create a learned behavior of avoiding any circumstances that invoke fear.
And so they actually avoid all the cool stuff in life.
What gets you past this is getting used to the feeling of fear, and surfing it.
Ride that bitch into the sunset, I say.
It’s like a bucking bronco, and all you have to do is just HOLD ON.
After all the initial thrashing and bucking is over, you got yourself a broke-in horse, cowboy.
It is JUST like that in the real world, by the way. Not just a clever analogy I came up with on the spot. (Pardon me while I pat myself on the back here…)
Once you learn how to just sit there WITH your fear, you’ll possess the secret to overcoming it.
It’s simply NOT FIGHTING IT!
Once you’ve managed to just sit there and deal with your fear and see that it’s only power is the mystery surrounding it, you realize that Fear is a complete load of crap. It’s just an emotional reaction that creates phantoms in your head.
You may have heard this clever little explanation of “fear”:
FEAR = False Evidence Appearing Real.
You see, fear has its power because it scares you with what COULD happen, not what is actually likely to happen. Fear relies on you to create all the imaginary scary stuff. And we usually go along with it.
Once you learn this principle of not fighting Fear and put it to work FOR you, you’ll discover the cool secret side-effect:
Your confidence goes through the roof.
I know, I know… It sounds totally illogical.
But the fact is that all those people out there that you think are so brave and so confident are just using this principle. They still feel the fear – but they act in spite of it.
And, as the saying goes, “Do the thing you fear, and the death of fear is certain.”
In fact, it’s the ONLY way to kill that fear and anxiety.
If you focus on “building confidence,” you’ll just wind up frustrated and defeated. Because confidence is the WRONG goal. What you need is the ability to stop going further into your head and just DO the thing you want to do.
It’s the fastest path to the confidence you seek, and you’ll discover a whole new world of possibility and success out there that you never imagined was possible.
If you want to discover more techniques to deal with fear and possess this kind of bulletproof self-confidence with women, I urge you to take a look at this special report on sexual confidence and how to trigger a woman’s primal sexual desire.
Become the person you were destined to be – and get everything you deserve as a man…!
About Carlos Xuma Carlos Xuma is a dating and attraction adviser, as well as a black belt martial arts instructor and motivational life counselor. He's the author of The Dating Black Book, Secrets of the Alpha Man, the Power Social Skills program, and many others. Carlos' programs teach the essence of attraction between the sexes. His approach is called R.E.A.L. Game, which he's been teaching for the last 8 years with his programs and seminars. Carlos shows you how to use your authentic personality to attract the opposite sex, and make enhance your entire LIFESTYLE - to see and feel the Big Picture of attraction and success in social dynamics.