How to Win Back Your Ex-Girlfriend: 5 Mistakes to Avoid
If you want to know how to win back your ex-girlfriend, you’ve probably already been given some suggestions or read about “guaranteed” ways to get an ex back on different websites, right?
Chances are, you might even have tried some of the guaranteed suggestions, but so far nothing has worked. Why is that? Most advice you will find is based on using “quick tricks” and sneaky tactics, but to win back an ex-girlfriend for real, you need to make real changes about yourself first. When she can see that you’ve truly changed and are not just talking about changing, then she will naturally begin to feel differently about you and will become open to being with you again.
Whether or not you’ve already got some ideas in mind about how to win back your ex-girlfriend, read through the following common mistakes and determine whether you’ve made any or all of them. If you haven’t made any of these mistakes yet, then make sure you avoid them at all costs because they will only make the reconciliation process longer. If you have made these mistakes with her, then just know that you’ve got a lot of work to do to undo all that damage, but it definitely can be done.
Here are 5 common mistakes to avoid when trying to win her back:
Many guys tell me that they’ve tried everything to win back their ex-girlfriend, but when I ask them to tell me what they’ve tried, it usually comes down to one main approach – texting. By constantly being in her face (or on her phone), many guys assume that she’ll be thinking about him and contemplating getting back together. If she texts back, then he’ll assume that it means she’s still interested and there’s a chance that she’ll change her mind.
Yet, when it comes to winning back your ex-girlfriend, texting her is a bad idea because there is nothing that you can say via text to truly change the way she sees things. Words are meaningless without actions to back them up, so nothing you say via text will convince her that you have magically fixed your issues (e.g. insecurities, jealously, lack of purpose in life, controlling behavior, etc) and improved yourself. Bombarding her with texts might make her think about you, but that’s not going to help you if she’s thinking about the negative things that led to her breaking up with you in the first place.
Whether it’s via text or any other method, a lot of guys try pleading with their ex girlfriend to give them another chance. This usually involves letting her know that he is willing to do whatever it is she wants, if she’ll just give him another chance, or letting her know that if she just gives him another chance, he’ll prove to her that he can change. “I’ll do anything” or “I can change. Just tell me what you want me to do.” The thinking behind this approach is that by putting her in a position of power to name any changes she wants him to make, then she’s going to be open to trying again on her terms.
Pleading with her is a bad idea because saying that you’ll change or saying you’ll do whatever she wants is meaningless. Words don’t change anything on their own and right there in that moment, you are still the same problematic guy she broke up with. You haven’t changed, you’re just saying that you will changed, so it’s still the same. Additionally, your girlfriend doesn’t want to be your mother or big sister. She wants you to be a man and work these things out yourself, instead of being her baby boy or little brother who needs her guidance and support from a more mature female.
Women want to feel like women in a relationship and to experience that feeling, they need to be with a man who knows how to be a man. Begging and pleading for her to guide you and lead you is a complete turn off because it makes her feel like more of the “man” or “mother” or “big sister” in the situation. As a result, the natural sexual chemistry between a man and a woman that is needed to maintain her attraction for you and make the relationship work is lost.
Some guys find it difficult to express how they feel in person and choose to pour their heart out in a long letter/e-mail/Facebook message to make sure that she understands just how much she means to him and how much he wants her back. The thinking behind this approach is that if the break up was a result of him not being open enough about his emotions, then she’ll get a chance to see what he’s really feeling, but had been unable to express in person and this might make her rethink her decision. Yet, that’s not how it works.
Writing her a love letter is a bad idea because, if you want to win her back, the most important emotion an ex-girlfriend needs to feel for you is attraction. Why? To want to be in a relationship with a man, a woman must first feel sexual attraction for him. From there, she must also feel respect for him as a man. After that, if they share a quality emotional connection and are compatible in many ways, she will begin to fall in love him. If those elements of attraction, respect and love aren’t present, then a love letter will mean nothing to her. Sending a “pity me” or “see how I really feel?” letter to a woman doesn’t make her feel sexual attraction or respect for you. If she currently doesn’t feel any sexual attraction or respect for you because of how you behaved prior to or during the break up, then the love letter will make her feel repulsed by you.
To be successful in a relationship with a woman, you have to be confident and masculine at all times so that she can remain attracted to you. You also need to be a man that she can look up to and respect, not a troubled guy who she feels as though she needs to take care of and protect like a mother would for her baby boy, or a big sister would for her little brother. When it comes to sharing your feelings for her, you need to be fearless and open about it at all times. Being closed emotionally when in a relationship with a woman might initially make her see you as mysterious or a “tough nut to crack,” but she will eventually get bored of the uncrackable nut and move onto a man who is more ready for real love and connection.
When guys realize that their own efforts are not enough to win their ex-girlfriend back, they might trying calling on her friends to get involved. It may be that she has been ignoring his text messages and not returning any of his calls, so he wants to make sure that she knows how much he misses her by getting her friends to pass it on. He might ask them to tell her that his life is a “mess” without her or that he’s really desperate to just talk to her and doesn’t understand why she is being so cold. The thinking behind this approach is that her friends might tell her to stop being selfish and it will make her feel guilty or embarrassed, so she will then call.
However, the moment you run crying to her friends for help, pretty much all respect for you as a man is lost. Without respect, there can be no lasting attraction and the very fact that you put her in an embarrassing situation with her friends will make her want you out of her life completely. For her to want you back, she has to feel respect and attraction for you and if you’re behaving in a way that makes her feel embarrassed or selfish around her friends and family, when she’s really just trying to get away from a guy who isn’t making her feel like a woman, then she’s going to resent you for that. To win back your ex-girlfriend you must work on improving yourself, rather than trying to make her feel guilty or embarrassed about the break up. Only when you improve yourself and make her naturally feel more respect and attraction for you, will she then begin feeling differently about you and open herself up to the possibility of getting back together.
Many of the guys who’ve asked me for advice on winning back their ex-girlfriend, have told me how they’ve been deliberately avoiding social situations or being seen with any other women. The thinking behind this approach is that by showing her how unhappy he is without her and how he’s not interested in any other woman but her, she will give him a second chance because he has proved how much she means to him.
While this is a sweet and noble gesture and completely understandable if you truly love your girlfriend, it’s not the way to win her back. It’s a fact of human nature that women want to be with the type of man that other women want. Women lust after the alpha males, not the lower-ranking males who other women don’t want. If most women aren’t interested in you because of the reasons your girlfriend just broke up with you over, then she will know that the real reason you want her back is that you’re lonely and afraid without her. You are worried that you’re not going to be able to find another quality woman, but she will easily be able to find a new man, possibly one who is more confident and masculine that you are. When that happens, you know that she will fall into him arms and shut you out of her life.
Avoiding other women and hiding yourself away from society and social situations is a bad idea because your ex-girlfriend doesn’t want to feel as though she’s doing you a favor by getting back with you. To win her back, she either has to already know that you can attract other quality women (this will be the case if you’re a cool, confident, masculine guy) or that you have been with new women, or at least have new women interested in you. However, if she gets the sense that you’re still the same guy she broke up with and other women aren’t interested in you for the same reasons she broke up with you, then you won’t be winning her back anytime soon.
I’ve helped 1,000s of guys successfully win back their ex-girlfriend. If you want a real strategy to get your ex back and if you want real help to fix your issues (e.g. insecurities, jealously, lack of purpose in life, lack of emotional masculinity, lack of social confidence, etc) and improve yourself, then I recommend you head over to my website and watch my famous program called, Get Your Ex Back: Super System. If you want some more free advice first, then sign up for my newsletter and I’ll give you some free videos right away.
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About dan Bacon Dan Bacon is a dating expert and the founder of The Modern Man, a company which has helped 1,000s of men achieve success with women. He has held seminars, appeared on TV and had catwalk model girlfriends. He's now in a committed relationship with the love of his life.