Why Women Love Bad Boys: Here’s the Truth
It’s a popular misconception that women just want bad boys and that “nice guys finish last with women.” For this reason, I’ve had a lot of guys ask me why women love bad boys and, of course, they ask this because they consider themselves to be a “nice guy” and assume they’ve been getting rejected because of it. In fact, they’ll often refer to the guys who women have chosen over them as being “jerks” and want to know why women can’t see what they see.
When I’m asked to explain why women love bad boys and why they reject nice guys, my simple response is that they don’t. Women will reject any guy who is too nervous, too anxious or too nice around her, whether he is a bad boy or not. When you see a woman lusting after a bad boy, she isn’t doing it because he’s a bad person, she’s doing it because he is more confident and masculine than other guys in the situation. When you see a woman rejecting a nice guy, she isn’t doing it because he is nice, she’s doing it because of how nervous nervous, tense or hesitant he is when around her.
There’s nothing wrong with being nice to a woman, but if you’re nervous and anxious around her, then she just won’t be interested in you. Why? Women are naturally attracted to a man’s confidence and turned off by his emotional weakness. So, displaying nervousness, anxiety and self-doubt around her is a direct turn off.
Think about it.
You always see women lusting after good guys who are confident, as well as bad boys who are confident, right? Good guys don’t miss out due to being nice, but wimpy, nervous guys do miss out because women aren’t attracted to emotional weakness. Make sense? Many nervous guys assume that they’re getting rejected for being nice to women, but it’s really because they’re being anxious, wimpy, hesitant and self-doubting. Women are attracted to the strength in men, not the weakness. If you’re a strong man (mentally and emotionally), then it will be a welcome bonus to women that you’re also a good guy.
Women know that a bad boy isn’t a good choice in terms of a lifetime relationship, but they can’t stop themselves from feeling attraction for his confidence and masculinity, in the same way that you can’t help stop yourself from attraction for the feminine sexiness stripper or pornstar. Her sexy legs, her long hair, her seductive moves and her beautiful face. You feel so attracted that your usual standards of women go right out the window. You might want an intelligent, “girl next door” type girl for a girlfriend, but that doesn’t stop you feeling attraction for pornstars or strippers. You know that those women probably aren’t the best option for a relationship, but since they are so sexy, you can’t help but feel attraction for them.
Your attraction such women doesn’t mean that you want a slutty girlfriend, but it does mean that you feel attraction for certain things in women and can’t stop yourself from feeling that way. Attraction is a natural, automatic reaction to certain qualities in the opposite sex. It happens automatically, regardless of what you think you might want in real life. When a woman is attracted to a bad boy, it doesn’t mean she wants a bad man. Instead, she is simply attracted to his confidence and masculinity and she can’t stop herself from feeling that way. She is naturally attracted to confidence and masculinity in men, so when a bad boy displays those traits, her attraction is turned on automatically and instantly. She might know that he isn’t a good option for her, but that won’t stop her from feeling attraction.
Regardless of whether a guy is a nice person or a bad guy, a woman will be automatically and instantly turned off by him if he is nervous, anxious and self-doubting. Rejecting a nervous nice guy doesn’t mean that a woman wants a bad boy or that nice guys finish last with women. She is turned off by his mental and emotional weakness, not the fact that he’s a good guy.
Guys who are confused about the whole Bad Boy vs. Nice Guy debate often don’t realize that being a good guy is a good thing! There’s nothing wrong with being nice to a woman, but it only becomes a problem when you are “too nice” to her while also being unattractive to her by way of your emotional weakness or wimpy behavior. For example, an unattractive nice guy would be:
Too nice to her.
Shy and self-doubting in her presence.
Hesitant to make any moves on her.
Lacking alpha male qualities such as confidence and masculinity.
However, an attractive nice guy (i.e. a real man) would be:
Nice to her, but also expectant that she is nice to him.
Confident and self-assured in her presence.
Confidently moving the conversation forward to a kiss, sex and then relationship.
An alpha male in the way he thinks, behaves and takes action.
Note: When I say “unattractive nice guy” or “attractive nice guy,” I’m not referring to physical looks. In case you’re unaware, women are mostly attracted to a man’s personality and confidence and will happily fall in love with, have sex with and marry a guy who is average, below-average or even “ugly” looking, as long as he is a real man. A real man is a guy who is confident and masculine in the way that he thinks, behaves and takes action. He is rising through the levels of life and reaching for his true potential as a man. He makes women feel like women because he is so masculine. He’s a good guy, but he is also assertive and expects good behavior and respect in return from others.
Most women would prefer to be with a real man over a bad boy, but if those guys aren’t available, they will accept a bad boy, just so they can feel the rush of attraction to his confidence and masculinity. There’s a lot more to being a real man that what I’ve already mentioned, but for now, let’s get back to the Bad Boy vs. Nice Guy issue.
If you consider yourself to be a nice guy, you should ask yourself whether your behavior around women may actually be a little too nice. This is something that “nice guys” or “romantic guys” find hard to accept at first because they feel as though they’re being asked to change who they are for the worse (i.e. to become a bad boy or a bad person), but this isn’t the case at all. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with being a nice guy. In fact, I recommend that guys be good guys. However, to be successful with women, a good guy must also be strong and masculine in his thinking, behavior and actions. In other words, you must become and be what women refer to as a real man. You can’t just expect women to want to have sex with you and be your girlfriend because you’re nice. That’s not how sexual attraction works for a woman.
When a guy approaches a woman in nervous, apologetic way, he’s not being “nice” to her or being a “gentleman,” he’s being weak and wimpy. If his lack of self-confidence leads to him saying something along the lines of, “Hey, umm…excuse me…sorry to bother you, how are you tonight? Can I buy you a drink?” then she isn’t going to swoon and say, “Wow! You’re so nice and wimpy, let’s have sex!” In TV sitcoms and movies, you will see the male “loveable loser” characters acting all shy and nervous like that and then he’ll have loads of beautiful women lusting after them. However, in real life, women aren’t fictional characters from a movie and instead follow the rules of nature. If you aren’t confident and masculine, then you’ll be rejected or ignored by women 9 times out of 10. That’s just how it works.
Some guys like to be really romantic and sweet when they first meet a girl, because they feel as though it is an expression of who they are. They are a nice guy at heart, so they feel that being really, really nice and sweet will let her know that. While being romantic and sweet is a good thing when you’ve established a relationship, initially, a woman just wants to feel attraction for you. If she doesn’t feel much or any sexual attraction for you, then going on a date with you is going to feel weird and unnecessary. To her, it will feel more like an awkward friendship than a boyfriend-girlfriend relationship, rather than an exciting new sexual relationship with a man she could fall madly in love with.
Another classic “nice guy” mistake is asking a woman where she’d like to go on a first date. This approach isn’t being “nice” or being a “gentleman,” it is putting her in charge and asking her to take the lead in a situation where she doesn’t want to. Women are perfectly capable of leading men and people in work and general environments, but in a romantic relationship they want you to take the lead. Women want to be in the presence of a man who has genuine self-confidence and true masculinity and a man with these qualities will naturally lead the way in a relationship. He won’t think that it’s “sweet” or “nice” to ask a woman to lead him. He’ll know that a woman wants to relax into the masculine direction of a good guys, but she doesn’t want to have to lead him and “be the man” in the situation.
The truth is, women don’t love bad boys and would rather be with the type of man who is better than a bad boy; a real man. When you develop the qualities that women are really looking for in a man, you not only become a better man in your everyday life, you also become an irresistibly attractive man to women. When you develop true confidence and masculinity, you develop a presence about you that women feel virtually powerless to resist, just like you can’t resist feeling attraction for sexy strippers or pornstars.
When you are what women refer to as a real man, then you have what it takes to make her feel weak at the knees just by being your normal self…and that’s a feeling that women love to experience. In fact, women yearn for that feeling (of going weak at the knees because of how confident and masculine a guy is) and they fantasize about it. If a woman finds herself in a relationship with a weak man, she will hope that her man changes and becomes capable of making her feel that way. If he doesn’t change, she may eventually begin looking for a replacement or will secretly yearn to meet one.
If you want to know more about being the real man that all women are desperately looking for, then I recommend you head over to my website and watch my program called, Better Than a Bad Boy. You’ll learn how to live life with purpose and confidence and be the type of man that women naturally choose over bad boys.
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About dan Bacon Dan Bacon is a dating expert and the founder of The Modern Man, a company which has helped 1,000s of men achieve success with women. He has held seminars, appeared on TV and had catwalk model girlfriends. He's now in a committed relationship with the love of his life.