Five Manly Last Minute Halloween Costumes
Halloween has come around again, and this year you’ve decided it’s not for you. You’re just going to stay home, maybe watch a couple of scary movies, possibly keep a small bowl of candy near the door in case the random neighbor kid shows up. Nothing to make a big deal about. Then, you get a call from your best friend inviting you to come along to a big Halloween part downtown. You’re about to politely decline when he also tells you that the girl he works with that you think is super hot is going to be there, and she’s going to be wearing a Sexy Bullfighter costume or something to that effect. Now, you have to go. There’s just one problem…
You don’t have a costume.
Now, you could show up in just street clothes or do something stupid like writing “This IS My Costume” on an old t-shirt. But, is Sexy Bullfighter going to be impressed after she put all that thought into her costume (she really didn’t, she just bought it online, but she says she did and what are you going to do? Argue with her?)? Of course not. But the party is in four hours and you don’t even have the slightest clue what kind of costume to get at the last minute that won’t make you look like a complete tool.
(By the way, tip for next year: dress up like a giant wrench wearing a Tool band t-shirt.)
Well, we’ve got suggestions for five costumes that range from funny to geeky to macho, and they can all be made with stuff you either probably already have or can easily find at your local Goodwill. So, get to work, have fun and, if you’re lucky maybe you’ll come across a bull (the animal or a member of the NBA team) costume and Sexy Bullfighter will think it’s hilarious.
What you’ll need: A plain white t-shirt, jeans, a leather jacket, hair gel, a pair of cheap binoculars and a fake mustache (if you don’t already have a real one).
If you haven’t already seen this series of ads for DirecTV with the former The West Wing actor, just know they’re some of the funniest commercials on TV right now – and some of the most effective. “Super Creepy Rob Lowe” is probably the most recognizable, with this alternate universe version of the star substituting watching TV with his faulty cable by watching swimmers at the rec center. It also makes for a costume that is recognizable, silly and simple to put together.
The basic for the costume are listed above. If you want to add the extra details, look for a chain necklace, a wallet chain and a gaudy belt buckle. You’ll also want to slick back your hair and put on a fake mustache (or groom your existing facial hair to look like Rob’s). As an extra bonus, if you get drunk and actually start acting creepy, you can just say you’re in character (please do not do this).
What you’ll need: A leather jacket or dark navy blue pea coat, a black or grey v-neck shirt (The Doctor) or turtleneck (MacManus Brothers), hair gel (if you already have a buzz cut, this works perfectly for The Doctor), blue jeans or black slacks, black shoes.
While both costumes require slightly different elements, they’re so similar that we had to include them in the same entry. We’ll explain the differences.
Both costumes are simple: coat, shirt and accessories. The Doctor (in this case, the version of the character from the relaunch of the show back in 2005)(trust us, if you need us to explain that to you, this is not the costume for you) wears a long, black leather jacket with a v-neck shirt – sort of like a cool looking Merchant Marine from a World War II movie. The Doctor has a close cut hairstyle, but if you don’t want to buzz your hair for a costume, tightly slicking back what hair you have will do the trick. For an accessory, tape a small lazer point to the shaft of a screwdriver for a makeshift “sonic screwdriver”. If that makes sense to you, though, you probably already have a Halloween costume picked out.
The MacManus Brothers from the two Boondock Saints films are similarly attired. They done navy style pea coats as opposed to leather jackets, which may be a little more difficult to come by at the last minute – your local Goodwill may have one, or at least something similar. While you’re there, look for a black turtleneck shirt or sweater while you’re at it. No need to slick back your hair, but use the hair gel to give your hair that trendy “messy” look. A pair of shades, a pair of blue jeans and a crucifix necklace and you’re made in the shade.
What you’ll need: A black tank top, a short sleeved Hawaiian shirt, white pants, a fedora and a fake bushy beard.
Even if you aren’t a pro wrestling fan, Bray Wyatt’s look is so distinctive and cool that you may want to consider this costume anyway. A combination of David Koresh and Robert De Niro’s character from Cape Fear, Wyatt has been one of the most fascinating character on television over the past year. As you can tell by the photo above, too, his outfit isn’t all that difficult to put together. The hardest part might be getting a fake beard to match his. Extra points if you can get your hands on one of those portable Coleman camping lanterns like the one he takes to the ring with him.
What you’ll need: Black dress pants, a red tie, a white dress shirt (short sleeved), red ink or food coloring.
One of the best horror-comedy movies of all time, Shaun of the Dead also boasts a main character with a look that is both iconic and easy to replicate. It’s also fun in that the costume can evolve as the night goes on.
Shaun is an employee of Best Buy-style electronics store in England, which is why he’s dressed the way he is. There’s a moment early in the movie where a red pen leaks in his front shirt pocket, leaving a stain (“You’ve got red on you”), thus the ink/food coloring. As the movie goes on and he confronts more and more zombies, he becomes disheveled, covered in more blood (don’t put that food coloring away just yet) and ends up using his tie as a bandanna, Rambo-style.
It might be nearly impossible to come by, but if you can get your hands on a cricket bat, all the better. It’s Shaun’s weapon of choice in the film.
What you’ll need: White dress shirt, neck tie, black slacks, trenchcoat, hair gel, cigarettes, bad attitude
He started out in the comics as a Sting (the musician) lookalike who constantly smoked cigarettes, knew a bit of magic, worked in the demon underworld and was a general ass to everyone he met. Then, he turned into Keanu Reeves. Now, he’s the main character on a (pretty cool) new NBC show. He’s not only the coolest character on this list, it’s also one of the easiest costumes to put together.
Now, this isn’t a simple “shirt and tie with a trenchcoat over it”. Constantine is quite possible the most dishelvedly dressed character in modern fiction. So, roll up those shirt sleeves. Unbutton that top button. Loosen that tie. Maybe carry some tarot cards and other wacky occult type stuff with you. Constantine may not smoke on the TV show, but he’s known for it everywhere else he’s appeared. Pop an unlit (or fake) cigarette in your mouth if you’re not a smoker. If you have the hair for it, grab that hair gel and spike it up. Now, go tell Sexy Bullfighter you think she needs an exorcism and you’re just the bloke to do it.
Whatever costume you decide on, have fun, be safe and call a cab if you need one. Halloween may be the night “the dead roam the streets”, but there’s no need to take that literally. Happy Halloween, everyone!
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About Kevin Sullivan Kevin Sullivan is a technology and lifestyle writer who has been published online for over 15 years. He is a former writer and editor for TheRugged.com and Austin.com. His interests include stand-up comedy, video games, pro wrestling, NFL football and world history. Originally from Cincinnati, OH, he now resides in Austin, TX