How To Date Multiple Girls At Once
I arbore the term, “player.”
For that matter, I don’t much like, “pick up artist” either. Becoming confident and capable around the farer sex isn’t really art. A Farewell To Arms is art. What Banksy does is art. A Ferrari is art. Getting chicks’ numbers in a bar and getting laid a lot? Meh.
At most, it’s an exercise in psychology and sociology. In which case, wouldn’t you be a pick up doctor? Or a pick up professor? Professor Pick Up sounds like the worst Batman villain ever.
In both cases, the terms are kind of like, “hipster” in the sense that nobody who has ever been branded as one, really thinks that they are one. And if they actually do think they’re one, they’re probably not.
I say all this because you don’t have to consider yourself a “player” or a “pick up artist” to find yourself in the predicament of dating multiple girls at once.
You’re a red blooded North American in the 21st Century and there’s nothing wrong with playing the field.
However, there are some ground rules for stopping this whole house of cards you’ve delicately constructed from crashing down on you.
If a girl thinks you’re official, she naturally assumes that you’re also exclusive. And if she thinks you’re exclusive while you’re seeing other girls, that’s called cheating.
Other than the obvious moral objection you should have to cheating (it should, at the very least, make you feel like just a tiny bit of an asshole to hurt somebody), nobody likes a cheater and you don’t ever want to develop a reputation as one. Reputations can and will precede you.
Now you’re intentions might not always be flat out insincere in these instances. In some cases, maybe she’s just gotten the wrong idea about the nature of your relationship.
How do you avoid that from happening?
Here’s a no brainer.
Avoid going on really romantic dates. Diners, late night strolls through the city, anything that’s super one on one. Instead, stick to inviting her out to parties, the bar or an event that you’re already attending.
And don’t get her flowers or anything like that. Essentially, don’t do anything you’ve ever seen a guy in a romantic comedy do to win over a girl. Even and especially if you feel like the relationship is growing in that way (an exception to this rule to follow).
Stay in the mindset of a rough and tumble, flying solo dude. If you adopt this mindset, your persona will follow and the vibes you send off will naturally define the nature of your relationships.
If you do find yourself becoming legitimately invested in a girl, and she’s invested back, you’ve got to dump all the other girls from your roster. If you don’t, it’s countdown until this whole thing blows up in your face.
Also, man up. You clearly like this girl and she likes you back, you shmuck, so go for it. Worst-case scenario, it doesn’t work out. In which case, man up again, move on, and get building that roster back up.
Now if either of you are getting too invested and the other one doesn’t feel the same way, then in that case, you’ve got to knock her off the roster. It’s for your own good.
This isn’t to say that you can’t be somewhat interested in dating any of these girls permanently. It’s totally fine and normal to be investigating the possibility of a relationship with them.
But what I’m saying is, know where the line is and know when it should and should not be crossed.
Now if this is a game you’re playing- keeping around one or more girls that you’re interested in the possibility of a relationship with, your roster should work on a 2:1 ratio.
What do I mean by that?
This is a safeguard. Because if you do have to cut one of the girls from the roster due to you getting too invested or wanting to take things to the next level when she’s not feeling the love, the first thing you’ll probably do is put 100% of your effort into the other girl you wanted a relationship with.
If you do that, you’ll freak her out and scare her off. You’ll go too hard, too fast, too sappy and probably embarrass yourself.
To keep your game strong (hate the “player”, not the “game”), you’ll want your fling around as a buffer to keep your ego from collapsing and ruining your confidence.
It probably won’t go over well.
I know this sounds obvious enough, but it could happen if you’re not thinking.
It happened to me once in Toronto. I was out on the town with one girl and after drinks at Yonge and Dundas Square, we took a walk down to Queen St., which is an appropriately named fashion district with lots of hip clothing stores.
So the girl I was out with wanted to go to a specific store on Queen St. that I absolutely knew that another girl who I had been flirting with forever, and who had just set up a date with, loved.
Now, I could have just as easily suggested we do something other than walk down to that specific store for some window shopping, but I didn’t.
Well don’t we just run right smack into the other girl in the goddamn clothing store. Who was spending the day with her little sister and dad no less. Fuck. Me.
For the next 10 minutes, my life devolved into an episode of a bad sit-com, except even less funny, where I had to try and explain my way out of clearly attempting to juggle two chicks, in front of one of their dads. Bridges officially burnt.
Needless to say, I ended up blowing my chances with both of these girls. The lesson being that when in doubt, take a different route.
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About David Maitland David Maitland is a writer living in Vancouver, Canada.