How To Destroy Your Approach Anxiety
Approach Anxiety is the very first obstacle on the path to meeting new women.
You know the scenario. You’re out in public, maybe at a bar or club, but also maybe just in an everyday setting, and you see an attractive girl you want to talk to.
And then you don’t. To be more precise, you feel like you can’t.
It can happen to the best of us. Even seasoned veterans will find themselves feeling a little off at times, seemingly unable to make that first move.
So why does this happen? Well, in a word; fear. In more words, fear of being rejected.
But imagine if you didn’t have fear holding you back. Think of how many more women you would meet if you didn’t let yourself get in the way.
Here’s how to defeat that fear;
Being afraid of rejection really is a first world problem, but one we are conditioned by our society to be cursed with.
We’re told to do things like get into a good school, get a good job, make good sales and of course, get with good women. To accomplish all those things, you need to not be rejected. So we’ve made rejection into this big deal, because we put a lot of pressure on how we perform.
We’ve made rejection into such a big deal, in fact, that the possibility of it starts to trigger our primal fight-or-flight mechanism in our brain. Our brains more or less process fear as fear, no matter where it comes from. So there’s always a possibility of rejection having the ability to put you in the same panicked state as the possibility of death.
We’re about to address some techniques that will aid you in accepting that reality, but when all else fails, you just have to remember that talking to a girl won’t kill you. Don’t put pressure on yourself. Nothing bad will happen if you fail.
Here’s the formula for fear;
The more time you spending thinking about doing something, the more terrifying it becomes.
Have you ever done something and then years later, looked back on it and thought, “that was fucking crazy”? Yeah, that’s because you’ve had time to think about it.
You want to start to go with your gut. When you get the impulse to talk a girl, go. Right then and there. Even if you’re mid-conversation with your buddies. They’ll understand.
The more time you spend thinking about what to say, the higher the chance that you’ll probably end up saying some forced, cheesy, bullshit line that a woman will be able to detect from a mile away.
Good game is like a good car. Speed solves just about everything.
Nothing demystifies better than repetition. So get rejected a lot.
Now, I’ve read some articles and books that would have you go out to a bar or club and try to get rejected as many times as you possibly can in a night.
I don’t necessarily subscribe to that technique, and I wouldn’t recommend it. And that’s because it will wreck havoc on your self-esteem.
Like, 30 plus women telling you to get lost in a single night seems like a nightmare that would give any sane person severe anxiety.
So you have to find a way to get rejected in a less personal, safe way. A sort of Danger-Room, if you will (that one’s for you X-Men fans).
There are two really good ways you can do this;
I love Tinder because it’s like a social experiment in the palm of your hand. It’s also the ultimate in easy-come, easy-go; so it’s perfect for you to just ask out every single woman you match with, without really being invested in whether they say, “Yes” or not.
It will keep you flush with women to talk to, with absolutely none of the pressure or emotion of a face-to-face encounter.
This is a technique used to help people get over social and public speaking anxiety.
Start asking people, your friends, your co-workers and even people you meet on the street for things that you’re absolutely positive that they’ll say, “No” to.
This works so well because you’ll actually start to look forward to rejection. You’re hoping that they say, “No.” You need them to.
Don’t ask anybody for anything that might get you into trouble, physically, criminally or otherwise, but just take a step over what would usually be considered the social norm.
Ask someone that you’re sharing an elevator with for a stick of gum Ask your friend for a car ride across town. Ask a complete stranger if they’d like a bite of your sandwhich. Ask a store or restaurant employee for an item you know they don’t carry. Walk into an exotic car dealership, and ask to take something out for a test drive. The very next thing you buy, ask there person if you can pay them in Japanese Yen.
And so on and so forth. Have fun with it. It’s game you can play with friends, hell it’s even a game you can play on a first date!
But what it’s doing is getting you used to hearing, “No” in a consequence-free circumstance and in an interaction where you hold all the power. You’re building your confidence at the same time that you’re taking away the power that the fear of rejection has over you.
About David Maitland David Maitland is a writer living in Vancouver, Canada.