3 Reasons Why She Will Reject You Before You Say A Word

Two girls were sitting next to each other on the edge of a large stone fountain on a sidewalk, both in the middle of texting. They were both 10s, one blond and one brunette.

It was a Saturday night around 2 a.m. in Huntington Beach, Calif., during summer 2013 and people were clearing out of the nearby bars and heading home.

An average looking guy walked to within about 10 feet of those two girls, close enough for them to see him in their peripheral vision. He stood for a few seconds before walking closer, within comfortable talking distance. By this time I’d bet these girls knew he was trying to will himself to start talking to them, even though their heads never turned away from their phones.

Finally, after a pause of a few more seconds, the guy said something. I couldn’t hear what he said, but at that point it didn’t matter; his actions before delivering the opener sabotaged any potential for success. Both girls ignored him until he turned around and sauntered away.

Like I said, these girls were 10s, which means they get approached a lot (in fact, this guy I observed was about the eighth guy who had approached these two girls in the 10 minutes or so they were sitting by the fountain, and none of them fared any better).

Girls like that can’t possibly give time to every single guy who approaches them. There aren’t enough hours in a day. From their teenage years onward, the most attractive girls develop a set of criteria to quickly weed out the guys who aren’t worth their time, so they can allot time to the ones who are.

So, to help make sure you’re in the latter category, here are the three common faults that can get you blown out before you say a word:

1. Hesitation

Generally, the hotter the girl, the lower her tolerance for hesitation will be. Maybe a 6 who doesn’t meet a lot of men will forgive your hovering, but a 10 with an abundant social circle won’t. Reiterating my point from a couple paragraphs ago: Hotter girls tend to look for reasons to weed you out before looking for reasons to give you a chance. Hesitation is often the first and only reason she’ll need. It communicates lack of confidence and self-consciousness.

Hesitation can mean walking up to a girl and stalling out before finally speaking to her, or it can mean standing around and being a wallflower long enough for your target to notice.

2. Never use an indirect opener after you’ve made eye contact with her from a distance

Say, for example, you’re standing in a bar and you make prolonged eye contact with a girl who is too far away to talk to, and the venue is crowded enough that it will take you a minute or so to position yourself next to her. Once you do, don’t use some Mystery Method-style opinion opener; too contrived.

In this situation, the prolonged eye contact serves as an impromptu opener. When you approach, try saying something tailored for comfort or sexual escalation to bridge the gap from this kind of nonverbal opener, as opposed to something indirect you would use to open under normal circumstances.

3. Approaching from behind

It’s how muggers approach girls. Avoid at all costs because it’s hard to recover if you startle her with your approach, even if she would have found you attractive had she been able to process your presence first.

But if her back is turned to you, and there’s no way to get in front because you’re in a crowded bar, tap her on the shoulder from an arm’s length distance, as opposed to walking up right behind her and beginning to talk.

It doesn’t matter how amazing your opener is; a flawed pre-approach will compromise her first impression of you.

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About Jordan Murray Jordan is a journalist who has written extensively about dating and lifestyle for multiple publications.

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