How To Handle A Crush
Somehow, in this fast-paced, “hook up” culture fuelled modern world, you might actually find yourself with a crush.
It sounds a little old-school, I know. Like something you only used to get as a teenager. But it’s a human emotion that we’re saddled with, at least until they figure out how to completely convert our brains into actual computers (being a cyborg is going to be so awesome).
It can happen to the best of us. Even if you’re a stone cold player, bedding multiple women a week, at some point you’ll just be stopped dead in your tracks by a girl.
And that’s when “the feels” happen.
Don’t panic. There’s nothing wrong with that. It’s a good feeling, enjoy it. You’re a person, you’re alive, and feeling a genuine connection and attraction to somebody can be really refreshing.
However, you do now have a problem. A crush can obliterate your better judgment and throw your entire game for a loop. Here’s how to handle it.
Crushes have the ability to make us throw absolutely everything we’ve ever been taught about game out the window.
Just because you feel differently about this girl, does not mean that she is different.
With most guys, they tend to forget this the second the girl shows any interest back, and they let their excitement overrule their better judgment.
I’m not saying that this girl isn’t unique in her own way; that’s probably what’s got you so attracted to her in the first place. But realize that her initial attraction to you is probably based on your cumulative knowledge of how to be attractive to women.
So remember, the same rules of attraction still apply. Don’t let your emotions get in the way;
“But I really, really like this girl.”
Ok, great. Good for you. Now don’t scare her off.
This goes back to not forgetting about game. Don’t plan any overly romantic first dates or grand romantic gestures.
She should know that you’re attracted to her, but she should be wondering if she can really have you. You need to be hard earned for her.
If and when you’re dating officially, and she’s your girlfriend, then you can reveal how much you really liked her from the beginning. Then she’ll think it’s a nice story. Up until then, it just comes off as creepy.
Now, I understand if you’re not the kind of guy who can just hook up with other girls when you’ve got a big throbbing crush on another one.
I’ll be honest, I’m that dude. If I’ve got a real crush, one night stands are just not happening until I’ve got it out of my system. At the time, it just feels like settling. And I don’t like settling.
But, don’t delete that Tinder profile just yet. By no means should you stop meeting new girls, flirting or swiping right.
Primarily, you’ll want to keep your game sharp. Second, it’ll keep your mind off of your crush, possibly saving you from doing anything stupid (see above). And finally, a few fallbacks, should things go south with your crush, can be helpful to save your ego.
I’m not suggesting you use people. But at this point, you’re not off the market, so don’t act like it. Keep your horizons wide and don’t put all your eggs in one basket. You never know how, when or why you’ll meet your dream girl.
One of my primary tenants is to never fear loss.
Not only will this help you stay focused on adhering to the above rules, but it’ll help you keep your head on straight whilst dealing with this girl.
A million things could happen; you might just never find the time to get together, either of you might lose interest, another girl might come along that catches your interest even more. You might have sex with this girl, and then realize that you have terrible sexual chemistry.
The point is to just not get too invested, emotionally or otherwise, because a crush can be incredibly passing.
Chances are that this crush probably fell into your lap in the first place. You might not have even known this girl existed until a week ago, so there’s no sense in getting worked up if it doesn’t pan out. Life goes on, and if it’s one thing I can guarantee, there are more girls out there to have crushes on.
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About David Maitland David Maitland is a writer living in Vancouver, Canada.