How To Take The Stress Out Of Flirting
Flirting can be stressful.
The objective is to come off as attractive, fun, confident and sexy so that a girl will give you her number, want to go out with you and want to sleep with you.
But how do you do that? How do you know what to say next to a girl? What if you say the wrong thing? If you say one wrong thing will it fuck up your chance entirely with that girl? Do you need to do all the right moves in exactly the right order?
Thinking about all that is enough to give somebody a panic attack. So how do you take the stress out of flirting?
Let’s clear something up right off the bat. You don’t need some kind of rehearsed set list of things to say to a girl in order to flirt. In fact, I would advise completely against it.
Sure, a few lines to break rapport, establish attraction and maybe one or two games to keep in your back pocket are very valuable. Certain topics of conversation can also be incredibly efficient at escalating sexual tension.
But why trying to remember a rehearsed routine is bad is because it creates the same kind of anxiety that one might succumb to before having to give a presentation, conduct an interview or kill a saber-toothed tiger.
I’m serious. Your brain doesn’t really differentiate sources when stress is being generated, at least not when you have to perform, so to speak.
Your heart rate elevates, your palms get sweaty and you consider avoiding the situation all together (fight or flight). It’s the exact same way your lizard brain, which hasn’t evolved for thousands of years, would gear up your body to take on a saber-toothed tiger.
But women aren’t sabre-toothed tigers, so stop putting this unnecessary stress on your self.
Don’t try to rehearse or remember anything, and just start enjoying the moment.
Right now, you’re probably saying, “okay great, but if I don’t have any one liners or routines, what do I actually say? What do I flirt with?”
Teasing. You tease her.
Now, teasing is basically a benign offence.
That means that you’re going to offer some kind of take down or criticism of her in a witty (observational) way, that she won’t be mad at you for saying or take too personally in an overly negative way.
A benign offense means that you both had a laugh at her expensive, but neither of you were actually offended.
Now exactly how far you can take this and what kind of teasing you can do depends on the type of girl. Some girls really don’t know how to process your brand of humor, no matter how benign you tried to make it. Other girls have a much higher threshold and love it when you can really play ball with a dry, sarcastic witty sense of humour.
You’ll mostly have to feel it out based on the vibes you’re getting off of a girl. My best advice is to stay true to your own sense of humor and to not compromise on yourself.
* For the record, there’s a direct correlation between girls with a great sense of humor and how good they are in bed, so don’t sweat losing any humourless girls.
Teasing works so well because it shows that you’re confident, fun and interested. Which is a really powerful cocktail. It’s almost sexual in and of itself because it lends itself to escalation, anticipation, fantasy and testing boundaries.
But it works even better if you tease her about the possibility of you dating or getting married. You can take either route; joking about how you would either be a perfect match for each other, or could never date because you would fight like crazy.
So, you don’ t need to stress out about what to say next. When in doubt, just remember to tease her.
About David Maitland David Maitland is a writer living in Vancouver, Canada.