3 Steps To Avoid The Friend Zone
A lot of women don’t like to talk about or even acknowledge the existence of the friend zone.
That’s because guys have used it as a way to guilt women.
Most guys will blame women for friend-zoning them, because they think that they’re entitled to a woman’s sexual attraction.
Well, the truth is, you’re not entitled to shit.
If you get friend-zoned, you have only yourself to blame.
Women do indeed friend zone guys, all the time in fact, and the more attractive a girl is, the quicker she is to do so.
That’s because attractive women have lots of options when it comes to dating around. Guys throw themselves at these girls all day long.
So they need to develop a kind of natural defense mechanism for weeding out non-potentially viable guys to date or sleep with.
Part of that defense mechanism, is the friend zone.
Essentially, they don’t have time to waste on being romantically interested in a guy who they don’t think is interested in them, or who can’t or won’t get the job done.
But, you still seem to get a long well, so she keeps you around you around as a friend.
So in a way, you really friend zone yourself.
Tough love and truth out of the way, here’s a modicum of sympathy.
I’ve been friend-zoned, more than once, and it sucks. It’s frustrating and infantilizing.
That being said, here are three easy rules to stop you from falling in the friend zone on your next crush.
Here’s the number one thing that’s putting you in the friend zone.
You’re not sexualizing the relationship.
It’s probably because you’re afraid to do so. You think that if you try and make things sexual, you’ll freak the girl out and she’ll go running for the hills.
But, ask yourself this, when you get friend-zoned, did she say you were a “nice guy”?
And then turn around and sleep with some other guys that you thought were not so nice?
That’s because those guys were “bad boys” and girls love “bad boys” (not the Will Smith movie), because they’re not afraid to sexualize the relationship.
There’s lots of ways you can do this. And ideally, you’ll want to sexualize a relationship with a girl that you’re interested in as quickly as possible.
To do that, you’ll want to establish attraction.
Make a joke about what it would be like to date or be married. Create fantasies of you two together.
Don’t be afraid to compliment shamelessly.
Not in a low-class, demeaning cat-call way. In a way that shows that you’re interested in her specifically.
Oh, and mean what you say.
“The haircut makes you look like a total badass, where have you been all my life?”
A lot of guys get stuck at this phase.
This is usually the point at which they feel they got friend-zoned, because they’ve had an initial spark with a girl, but it then fizzled out.
I remember getting stuck at this phase myself once.
While in college, I worked part-time with a smoking hot blonde rocker chick.
We got along famously, we made each other laugh and we flirted like crazy. She later admitted that she was instantly attracted to me when we met.
We made out once, and things never progressed beyond that. After a few months of pining for her, I watched her walk off on the arm of another guy while punching out for a lunch break.
This happened because I didn’t escalate by creating sexual tension.
You do this by talking about sex, being casually (and socially acceptably) physical in conversation, and even flat out breaking rapport.
“You’ve got to stop giving me that, ‘I want to make out with you look’, it’s distracting.”
I can’t emphasize this enough; pull the damn trigger!
Acting quickly is always best, because as mentioned above, the longer you wait, the better chance that the spark will fizzle out and that she’ll lose interest.
But also know when your moment is and seize the opportunity!
Here’s another story of friend zone horror.
In my freshmen year of college (seriously, I was really bad with girls back then) a female friend of mine and I had been reconnecting after a few years apart. We were sitting in my car the night before my birthday, and our conversation had fogged up the windows.
This girl drew a heart on the inside of my window. Then mocked a sex-made handprint. Then joked about giving me a blowjob. Then asked me what I wanted for my birthday.
And I still didn’t make a move.
Years later, while catching up again, she laughed about how I, “really should have.”
So the lesson is that if at any point you’re wondering if she’s waiting for you to go in for the kiss, it’s because she is.
Even if you’re not sure, go for it. If you’ve done your job up until now, chances are you’ve got a green light.
If on the off chance you don’t, then back off politely like a gentlemen. But don’t let fear stop you from taking a shot.
About David Maitland David Maitland is a writer living in Vancouver, Canada.