How To Be A Nice Guy Without Finishing Last
Being a nice guy, or having a reputation of being such, need not be a disadvantage when it comes to dating. You cannot work with what you don’t have. If you are not a naturally aggressive guy, then you should not try to be. If you are not someone who makes bold propositions or is cocksure and arrogant, then you should not pretend that you are; for it is unlikely that you will pull it off, and you may end up looking like a complete ass.
However, being a nice guy does not mean you cannot use your inherent goodness to your advantage. Whatever your attitudes towards women, your desire to be in intimate relations with one or more of them remains undiminished. You may be a nice guy, but it does not follow that you have to finish last.
The following attributes, if cultivated, can complement your instincts of generosity and composure:
This is an attribute that is often overlooked and undervalued. Making it your business to be pleasant and enjoyable to the people around you will make them warm towards you. This is especially the case when it comes to women. The two things they enjoy most from a man they’ve never met are humor and compliments. If you have had your eye on a particular woman for some time, you should make a point of finding opportunities to make her laugh or of giving her some compliment or showing a manner gracious enough to get her to notice you. If she’s younger, say in her early twenties, she may find it unsettling at first. But she’ll eventually start to like it. And when she does, it will be time to make your move.
Indeed, making a deliberate and concrete move is a necessity. Being nice does not mean being awkward and clumsy. You should cultivate the spirit of decisiveness. Know when it is time to ask her out, and do not allow fear of rejection to stop you from doing so. Some guys like to dither and delay by covering their intentions in group outings and the like. This is a mistake. You don’t have to ask your crush out for dinner and a movie. However, you should do something that makes your intention unmistakable. Otherwise, you risk slipping into the “just friends” zone.
Women like smart, intellectually sophisticated men. There is a difference between the latter and being a mere nerd or geek. These, when it comes down to it, are people who are knowledgeable but completely devoid of (1) and (2) above. Show your intelligence not by droning on and on about some subject or other, but by being succinct, interesting, and insightful. Avoid clichés and the telling of long drawn out stories. Try to find out what she’s interested in, learn what you can about it, and be ready to say something on it whenever you have a chance to see and speak to her. The best way to demonstrate your intelligence when it comes to the opposite sex is to show your sensitivity to words and ideas.
The attribute of being enjoyable, of making people feel relaxed around you is one that is likely to not only win you friends but girlfriends. There is a danger here. You can become the one man in her life that is hassle free, that isn’t a problem. However, becoming so may put you in the friend zone. The remedy for this is simply to continue making her feel comfortable and at ease around you. Pay close attention. When you see an opening—and there will almost certainly be one—go for it: whether that be a night on the town or a night in the sack.
If you already have a reputation as being a nice guy, it is probably too late to change it. But you really shouldn’t want to. You should aim to be yourself, while bringing to the surface those personal characteristics that will make you successful with women.
About Christopher Reid Chris was born in Washington, D.C. and lives in Britain. He works as a blogger, essayist, and novelist. His first book, Tea with Maureen, has just been published.