How Most Guys Screw Up First Dates
Now a days, the simple act of getting a date isn’t always that difficult.
You’ve got Tinder, OkCupid and a tsunami of other dating websites, on top of the good ol’ fashioned traditional means.
But just because you’re good at getting a lot of dates, doesn’t mean that those dates are going to go well.
A lot of guys wonder why a girl loses interest after their first date, and why even though plenty of girls want to go out with them, they can’t seem to ever get them to call back.
First dates are best when they’re simple, easy, and most of all, casual.
If you’re trying to set up diner and movie right off the bat, it’ll be surprising if she even agrees to go out with you in the first place.
Making a big deal out of a first date puts a lot of pressure on a situation and activates a sort of fight or flight mentality in a girl’s brain, because frankly, you’re putting her under a lot of stress by making a big deal out of your date.
So right away, by asking her to commit to something more casual, like coffee, cocktails, or even just a bit of a stroll through a stroll-worthy area (parks, water-fronts, street-festivals, art galleries, trendy downtown neighborhoods), you’re reducing her gut reaction to say, “no”.
Your best bet, though, is almost always to invite a girl somewhere fun where you’re already going to be. It feels like the most “low risk” option on her part.
It’s how basic phycology works. You first get somebody to commit to something small and simple before ramping up your requests.
If something seems like not a big deal, people tend to think, “well, why not?”
But then there’s the actual date itself, and if you’re making a huge deal out of it, you’re probably going to create too stressful of a situation- making the date uncomfortable for the both of you.
And if you’re uncomfortable, you’re not going to be able to create rapport, bicker or escalate sexual tension- which all but a guarantee her not wanting to see you again.
This is sort of the opposite of the making too big a deal out of it.
Girls aren’t stupid, so even if you invite them out on a casual level, they know that this first meet up is essentially “a date”. They’ve told their friends about it. You’re on the radar and rest assured, you are being weighed and measured.
So while you don’t want to look like you’re trying too hard, make sure that you’re groomed, bright eyed, bushy tailed, looking good, smelling good, in a good mood and just generally a good time on two legs.
Make no mistake, in the single-world, you are competing for a girl’s attention, so you have to stand out.
If you just seem like another dull guy who doesn’t give a shit about himself, inevitably, somebody else will come along and sweep said girl off of her feet.
Chalk this one up in the category of “trying to hard”.
If you’re trying too hard to come off as a nice guy, minding every one of your Ps and Qs, actively afraid of saying anything that might come off as “offensive”, chances are that you’ll probably just come off as boring and not masculine.
First of all, trying to be too nice is incredibly stressful and not fun for anyone involved, and most likely- it’s not even really you.
So don’t shy away from bickering or disagreeing, and definitely don’t change any of your opinions or view points just because you think that’s what she wants to hear.
Not only is healthy argument a great way to increase sexual tension, but women can tell when you’re bullshitting them.
If you don’t seem like a real person, it’s impossible for women to feel like they have any actual chemistry with you.
You know how everyone and your mother tells you to “just be yourself” on a date? It’s actually not terrible advice, but what’s perhaps more accurate is to say “just act natural”.
Or, at least, look like you’re acting natural.
If you’re relaxed, the rest is easy.
Big mistake. Huge mistake.
Biggest, worst, definitely holding you back from getting the girl mistake.
The number one thing that gets girls addicted to you, that gets them wanting to come back to you time and time again, is your sexual tension and chemistry.
So it’s important to play that up during a date.
Again, being on your best behavior can often kill you here. You can’t shy away from opportunities to talk about sex, invent fun, inside-joke ‘what-if’ fantasies about getting married (especially about wild honeymoons), and just generally escalating up towards sex.
Shameless compliments to break rapport can help you here. Admitting that you’re seduced, accusing her of hitting on you, or telling her that you don’t “put out” on a first date.
They’re all winners, so long as you do it in a fun and flirty way.
About David Maitland David Maitland is a writer living in Vancouver, Canada.