4 Signs You’re Not Ready To Commit
You’ve met a girl. The two of you get along great. All is good: the company, the sex, the chemistry and vibe between you. There is considerable space for you to act as you wish and to see who you please. This is the state of things in the “dating” stage. As time goes on, however, the pressure to make a commitment will increase. It does not come with a single act or gesture, but through small, subtle changes.
Serious, committed relationships are typically forged through a process of unspoken actions. It will be assumed, for instance, that unless otherwise stated you will spend your weekends together. You may also notice a change in her habits of speaking when you’re together and around other people. An increase in her references to the two of you as a couple and her constant use of the word “we” is a sign that she already assumes or is ready to make official the fact that you’re in a committed relationship.
However, you may not be ready for this kind of relationship. The source of this reticence may be varied, but you should be honest with yourself and with her about the way you feel. Here are 4 signs you’re not ready to commit.
You’re not comfortable with:
One of the advantages of being a bachelor is that you can not only come and go as you please, but you can invite over anyone, at any time, for any reason. The woman you’re dating may feel comfortable enough with you to drop in for an unscheduled visit—a visit that may catch you at an awkward moment. It need not be the case that you were with another woman when she came by. You may have been having a boy’s night or engaging in some other activity that you would rather her not see or be part of. If you’re not ready to share your living space, if there are things that you aren’t ready to give up and that you think she’ll disapprove of, you’re probably not ready to commit.
This is a big one. I had it creep up on me some years ago. The girl I was dating didn’t ask for a drawer straight out. She simply complained that she always had to pack a bag in order to spend the night or the weekend with me. It was I who offered a little space. Before I knew it, the corner of a drawer that I originally offered her became an entire drawer with her things in it. Later on, I found a tooth brush, make-up, and a hair dryer in my bathroom. Look out for the slow and silent garrisoning of your pad with her clothes and toiletries. If you find yourself extremely troubled by it, you’re probably not ready to commit.
The subject of living together can come up in many different ways. Sometimes it’s straightforward. Other times, it may be suggested under talk of a more settled and convenient living arrangement. “We’re together all the time anyway,” you may be told. You, of course, understand the difference between spending a lot of time together and living together. If you’re uncomfortable with the latter, you’re probably not ready to commit.
This can be her parents, but need not be so. Even if you don’t care to meet her closest friends, it is a bad sign. It means you’d still rather keep some emotional distance between you. Meeting the people whom she loves and is closet to is a sign that she believes the relationship is serious. If you are not ready to take that step, then you’re probably not ready to commit.
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About Christopher Reid Chris was born in Washington, D.C. and lives in Britain. He works as a blogger, essayist, and novelist. His first book, Tea with Maureen, has just been published.