How To Avoid Appearing Needy
Neediness can kill your chances with any girl.
It doesn’t matter if it’s a fresh number in your phone, a girl you’re seeing or even a long-term girlfriend, if you start to act needy, it’s only a matter of time before a girl’s attraction for you dwindles into nothing.
But how do you avoid this?
A lot of advice in this matter might consist of techniques; telling you exactly the right things to say, exactly the right time to text or what to do.
Those are probably all fine pieces of advice I’m sure, but the problem tends to be that they’re situational, and they don’t always apply or help in every given circumstance.
For example, what if your girlfriend is having a tough day at work?
Do you try to console her? What if that makes you look too soft in her eyes? Or do you try to underplay it? What if that makes you look like somebody who’s too fragile for emotional confrontation?
Avoiding appearing needy is an inner game problem, and thus, it takes an inner game solution. You can’t always just solve it with an exact combination of words.
It’s about how you feel inside that produces external results, and there are two very important internal techniques you can cultivate to eliminate or reduce the image of neediness.
This is a big one.
The key to self-confidence is just believing in yourself, trying to eliminate as much self-doubt as possible.
Self-doubt is a really natural, human emotion and if you have it- congratulations, you’re a totally sane, rational and intelligent human being.
But the truth is you need to overcome your self-doubt.
If you don’t, you’re going to be stunted at every possible stage of your life, including your success with women.
The more you believe in yourself, the less you’ll find yourself unsure of what to say next, or worse yet, second guessing yourself.
When it comes to flirting and dealing with women, there are really no wrong things to say as long you’re confident in yourself.
If you’ve moved into the girlfriend stage, you’re both just going to have bad days down the line.
The key is to able to reassure somebody with confidence. Meaning that you’re not inundating them with concern for them or yourself.
You shouldn’t constantly be seeking attention. You should be earning it.
When a problem does arise, you want to be able to ameliorate any situation with a cool, calm head on your shoulders.
In any relationship, long or short term, you’re going to hit obstacles. Having self-confidence doesn’t mean that you never hit them, it means that you dust off your shoulders and keep going without losing your shit every time you do.
Stress is really the essence of neediness. It’s where neediness comes from.
The only difference between an action appearing needy and it not, is whether the action is made in confidence, or is done so under stress.
For example, you can calmly let a girl you’re dating know that you’ve had a bad day, and chances are that she’ll hear you out, and let you vent a little bit. That’s just part of a healthy relationship.
However, you shouldn’t have all bad days, and you shouldn’t fall to pieces all the time and you shouldn’t lean on her to put you back together every time you do.
So to find this balance, you need to learn to manage your stress.
Eliminating stress all together is impossible and probably inadvisable. You can’t be ambitious and accomplish your goals without stress.
But you also need to not be a basket case and let every little thing upset you, or cause you to worry all the time.
Neediness is one of those things that tends to be death by a million cuts, and if you’re stressed out, you’ll be constantly making what you feel are the wrong decisions, and then back tracking, trying to justify your decisions, explaining yourself- all very toxically desperate behavior in the eyes of a woman.
Finding your self-confidence is a great place to start, but eating well, exercising regularly and taking time out for your hobbies are all essential stress management tools that you should utilize.
If you feel good on the inside, then you project positivity on the outside. Once you capture that, you’re practically magnetic to women.
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About David Maitland David Maitland is a writer living in Vancouver, Canada.