Why It Pays To Go After “Your Type”
“She’s not my type” is a totally valid thing to say and principle to adopt.
This doesn’t mean you should always be looking to get a girlfriend, but it’s incredibly important to know what you want- more specifically, who you want and what kind of girl you want to be with.
This goes beyond having “standards” as well.
Of course you should seek out confident, ambitious and interesting women (the same qualities that they’re looking for in you, by the way), but there are a variety of other things that you should be looking for.
Things like sexual compatibility, shared experiences, life philosophies, life style, personality- hell even, music preferences and fashion sense.
It’s not to say that opposites can’t attract. This is about not compromising yourself or trying to pander. It’s about going after the right kind of girls for you.
And there are some really good reasons why you should do this.
Beyond this being an extremely attractive quality to women (we’ll get to that in just a minute), you have to consider what this does for you internally.
Accepting yourself as a decider, as somebody who’s not just always trying to impress and pander to women in an impotent effort to seduce them, does wonders for your self-esteem and confidence.
So much about becoming confident in your romantic life is about not letting it rule your life-life.
Being the decider- giving yourself the ability to be the one who chooses who you want to be with, is an extremely powerful, and positive mindset to adopt.
What you’re effectively doing is taking charge of your own life, becoming the captain of your own ship and determining the course.
You’re giving yourself the inner confidence to succeed by deciding that you will accept nothing less than exactly what you want.
It eliminates stress and makes you a more confident person with higher self-esteem.
All pros, no cons.
Attractive women reject guys like Hollywood studios reject screenplays.
Which is to say often… most of the time… the vast majority of the time.
Girls do this out of necessity because they are constantly being hit on by guys who are not worth their time.
It’s an issue of volume and frequency. Most girls are so inundated with horrible guys hitting on them horribly, that their gut reaction is to just reject them.
So, in order to attract these kind of women, you need to be somebody who they seek out.
They want a guy who knows what he wants, who doesn’t compromise and who seems like he’s difficult to get.
Women want a guy that they can chase, and who makes them feel rewarded when they have his attention.
Your attention needs to feel valuable and welcome by women and to do that it needs to feel not so easily earned, and not always like a commodity.
I’m not saying to start judging whether or not somebody is “worthy” of your time or to act in a chauvinistic way.
What I am saying is that you need to be somebody with goals that you’re working towards, who finds their own happiness and fulfillment in life and who knows what their looking for.
You need to be somebody who sincerely doesn’t always have time for girls.
You don’t need to shout about it or brag. You just need to embody and live it.
Think of your self like a train.
You have a specific destination and you’re determined to get there. You’re very welcome to have passengers, but if they can’t pay for your ticket, so sorry, but the train is leaving.
If you become a person with self worth, than you become valuable, and valuable is always desirable.
This is the biggest and most important reason to be picky.
I’ve dated very attractive girls who I was completely miserable with- and the same will happen to you if you don’t stick to your guns on who the kind of girl you want to be with is.
You know how people say “having money doesn’t mean your happy”? Well the same is kind of true about dating really hot girls.
After all the, “bro, nice” compliments have run their course, and the honeymoon phase is over, you quickly realize just how insufferable it can be to be with a girl who is just out and out a different person than you.
Whether it’s death by a million personality cuts, or something major like sexual incompatibility, sometimes just being “hot” is not enough.
Yes, you should absolutely be with somebody who you are physically attracted to. In fact, you have to be physically attracted to the girl you’re with… or I can’t imagine you’d be able to be with her for long.
There isn’t really a trick to finding girls with that combination of exactly what you’re looking for- the kind you’ll be happiest with.
But there is a secret.
And that is that if you know what you’re looking for, and don’t compromise on that, it’s only a matter of time before you find it- or in this case, her.
There is a magnetism to a guy who knows what he wants.
Have you ever heard a girl talk about how she just clicked with a guy?
She’s talking about instant chemistry – instant attraction.
But for something to click it needs to have the right pattern.
You cannot be everything to someone if you are just something to everyone.
About David Maitland David Maitland is a writer living in Vancouver, Canada.