5 Topics To Avoid On A First Date
You only have one chance to make a first impression. This is a cliché, of course, but it is one that is alive and relevant when it comes to dating. The outcome of your first date will determine whether there will be a second or third. Indeed, it is this fact alone that accounts for so much of the pressure felt by both parties on a first date. But I’ve always believed that such strain is unnecessary.
The best way to deal with a first date is to view it as a test that answers one question: am I comfortable with this woman? You’ve only just met her. It is therefore impossible for you to get to know everything about her straightaway. Such things take time. And by recognizing the limits of what can be accomplished on a single date you set yourself up for a more promising and relaxing evening.
That said there are certain topics you should avoid on a first date. Bringing these topics up will not only prevent you from answering the question above, but will likely put her completely off you:
You must resist the temptation to bring up any of your ex-girlfriends. Even your high schools sweetheart should be left out of the conversation, as it will only conjure up images of you with another woman. The point of the date is to move forward with a woman you like and want to get closer to. There will be plenty of time to get to past relationships. She should be the focus of your thoughts on the first date, and you should give her no reason to think otherwise.
Leave her exes out as well. If she raises the topic—which she might—it’s up to you to change it. Some women may want to unburden themselves about a particularly gruesome experience with an ex. You must do your utmost to turn the direction of her thoughts towards a different channel. This can be done by bringing a bit of humor and light-heartedness into the discussion. Wit can produce just the kind of distraction she needs to stop thinking about him and start thinking about you.
This is a hard one, especially if you’re really into politics. Avoiding a topic that you care so deeply about may feel like an act of misrepresentation. However, in my experience such controversial issues are best eased into. Having divergent views on politics need not make a future relationship with a woman you like impossible. These matters can be better handled and discussed after you’ve gotten more comfortable with each other as individuals and seen the things you have in common.
You should not apply pressure where none exists. Leave off all discussion of what you look for in a girlfriend and other such talk. You should also take care when discussing sex. Put her at ease by not making her feel as though you’re pressuring her into doing something that she may not be ready for. If the topic is brought up in a fun and natural way, go with the flow of things. A little banter about sex and intimacy can actually bring some liveliness to the conversation and reduce the tension of the evening. Just ensure you don’t get snagged by a trap laid out for you.
Yes, you are a great guy. But she doesn’t need to be reminded of that constantly. If you find yourself slipping into adjective-filled sentences to describe yourself, then you’re probably overdoing it. You don’t need to sell yourself. You’re on a date with her, which means she thinks highly enough of you to spend time with you. The fact that she made such plans means your stock is already high. Don’t lower it by going on and on about things meant to convince her of how wonderful you are.
About Christopher Reid Chris was born in Washington, D.C. and lives in Britain. He works as a blogger, essayist, and novelist. His first book, Tea with Maureen, has just been published.