The Biggest Online Dating Mistakes Men Make

Tired of sending message after message to attractive women on dating sites and never getting a response back? Chances are… it’s not her, it’s you.

Online dating is competitive, and making any one of these three big online dating mistakes can keep you from getting dates with the women you want. Read on to see if you’re shooting yourself in the foot online.

#1 Being one OF a million, not one IN a million

Let’s face it – you’ve got a lot of competition out there. If you want high-quality women to respond to you, standing out from the crowd is a must. But how do you rise above all those other guys clamoring for her attention?

For starters – don’t ever send a “wink” or another weak sign of interest. Not only does it scream “I’m too insecure to actually send you a message because I fear rejection,” it’s also incredibly lazy, which is definitely not attractive.

You want to show her you’re a take charge kind of guy, full of self-confidence. So send her a message, and make sure it?s an attention-grabber. A woman’s inbox will be overflowing with messages, but the good news is most of them are variations of “hey, what’s up” and “hi.” You can do better than that, and she’ll notice.

Stay away from complimenting her physical appearance. Not only has she seen that in the last 157 messages she skimmed and then trashed, it also seems like you’re trying too hard to impress her.

Instead, your message should connect with her on an emotional level and make her feel something positive. Scan her profile and choose something to talk about.

For instance, if she mentions travel, ask her where she would go if she won a plane ticket to any destination in the world. It’s fun to think about, and an easy question to answer.

That’s the key to getting a woman to respond, by the way – ask a question she’ll enjoy answering, and you’re one step closer to a date.

#2 Choosing weak profile pictures (or none at all)

Men and women are visual creatures – there’s no denying that fact. Studies have shown women will form an impression within 1/10th of a second of looking at your face.

You need to put some effort into making sure you?re posting the right images to your dating profile. And yes, you have to use at least one photo.

According to the book “Freakonomics”, a woman is 8 times more likely to look at a profile with 1 or more pics. And estimates profiles with photos draw 15 times more interest. Put yourself in her shoes – online dating is stressful enough as it is, do you really think she wants to start communicating with someone who’s hiding what he looks like?

Aim for 3 to 7 photos. It?s rare to have 7+ pics you?re equally attractive in, so save the big albums for Facebook and Instagram. Remember this: you?re only as attractive as your worst photo online! (Seriously.)

If you?re not sure which of your 13 favorite photo options you look best in, ask a female friend. Better yet, ask 3-5 female friends. And if you want to be super scientific about it, ask those friends to rank these photos from their favorite (1) to their least favorite (13). Then add up the scores for each photo, and use the photos with the lowest total scores.

Another way to do this without owing all your female friends a beer is to use to get your photos rated by hundreds of other users.

Now that you understand how critical it is to pick the few photos you look great in, let?s talk about what your photos communicate. What do you think a lineup of 5 selfies taken in front of your bathroom mirror says about you?

It should come as no surprise a recent dating site survey showed mirror selfies turned off 29% of the women who participated. Another dating site discovered that male users with any kind of selfie received 8% less messages. And it also found that men got 19% more attention with an outside photo than one taken indoors.

As you?re clearly getting by now, it?s not just about looking good in your photos. The story your photos tell about you is very important too!

If you can paint a picture of a fun lifestyle women can imagine experiencing with you, you?ll have a big leg up on the competition.

Here are the types of photos you can mix together to round out your lifestyle and personality online:

  1. Headshot
  2. Full body shot
  3. “Active” shot – playing a sport, engaging in a hobby, etc…
  4. “Active” shot (you have more than one hobby, right?)
  5. Interesting environment – travel picture, trip to a museum, vineyard, etc…
  6. Social pic with family/friends
  7. Professional photo

Now, the catch to #7 is not making it obvious you hired a photographer. That would look like you’re trying too hard. So skip the boring blue studio background, and have the photographer take natural-looking outdoor photos without using flash.

Obviously, a professional with a $2000 camera who knows how to use it will take way better photos than your friend?s iPhone. But the key to good professional photos for online dating is making sure they don?t look too professional.

Have the photographer take some photos when you?re not ready for it, when you?re looking away from the camera, and even when you?re holding that bottle of water you?d never have in your hand if you were taking pro photos.

Get it? Good.

#3 Having a boring profile

Even though your photos are what initially lures a woman in, you can’t slack in the profile department. You can be Chippendale’s material, but if your profile is dull and boring, chances are she?ll lose interest fast.

To make yourself as irresistible and interesting as possible, use stories rather than a boring list of adjectives to describe your personality. The key to success is showing, not telling.

Don’t worry, it’s easier than it sounds. For instance, talking about your latest sky diving adventure or scuba dive is much more entertaining (and attractive) than simply writing “I’m into extreme sports” or “I’m adventurous.”

Tell her about the time you fed the monkeys in Costa Rica, or hiked in the Swiss Alps. That’s way less clich? than the old, worn out “I like to travel” line that 97.9% of your competition uses.

The key here is to lure her in and make her want to learn more about you. Once she’s hooked, give her a glimpse of what being with you would be like. Talk about your job, your hobbies, your family – but do it in an interesting way. Once again: Show, don’t tell.

And if creative writing isn’t your thing, don’t worry. There’s no shame in asking for assistance – studies show 22% of online daters have asked someone to help them with their dating profile.

Or maybe you’d rather get an expert to handle all of it – choosing photos, crafting the perfect profile, messaging women… and that’s where Virtual Dating Assistants comes in. We do everything for you, all you have to do is show up for the date.

Now tell me? What online dating mistakes have you been guilty of until now that have crippled your results? And what changes have you made to your profile, photos or messages to turn things backaround again? Share your experiences in the comments below…

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About Scott Valdez Scott Valdez is the founder of, the first company to allow men to outsource the process of meeting women online to a team of experts. He's also the creator of the Click Magnet Dating System, the only system that brings new dates to you automatically, so that you always have a consistent supply of women, 24/7 while you sleep!

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