Did You Just Flirt With Your Ex?
It may have been a look you gave her. Perhaps you brushed up against her accidently. Or was it intentionally? However the thing came off, you know just flirted with your ex. Now comes the hard part: what are you going to do about it?
That depends largely on how things ended between the two of you and how they stand now. You’ve both moved on and found other people. You may still have friends in common, which is why you continue to meet in the same spots. You’ve been kind and friendly towards one another, but the old fires have long since died out. Recently, however, you’ve felt a certain stir when around her. She has remade herself. She is more lively, carefree, buoyant, and sizzling hot. Her new relationship seems to have added a bit of dash and charge to her life. The thought of what you’ve lost may have led to your attempt to flirt with her.
The act itself, especially if involved physical contact, will leave an indelible stamp on your mind. You will continue to think about her—to the point where you might start contemplating ways to get her back. Stop. Hold back for a moment and reflect. The history of all that happened between you did not disappear after the breakup. No matter how many times she’s told you that she’s over you, it just isn’t true. It may very well be the case that she’s in love with her new man, but that doesn’t change the fact that she has not let go—will never forget—the pain and disappointment caused by the break up. If the relationship became particularly bitter at the end and you split under less than amicable conditions, then her feelings run even deeper.
Flirting with your ex is one thing. Trying to make her your girlfriend again is another. Trust me when I say that your will to get back with her will not make irrelevant the present state of your respective lives. She may have sensed your attempt to flirt and reciprocated with a bit of coquetry of her own. It doesn’t follow that she’s willing to leave her new boyfriend to get back with you. You should also consider whether you’re willing to sacrifice your new relationship. You may have found someone who makes you happy and satisfied. Why jeopardize that on a whim?
If you truly believe that a mild or serious flirtation with your ex means that something is happening between the two of you, the best you can do is give things time to develop. Don’t make any rash gestures or wild moves. Continue to flirt to see whether she’s receptive to it, or responds with teasing of her own. But beware of false positives. Her dallying may be no more than an attempt to have a bit of fun. She may also be doing it as a kind of payback for breaking her heart: dangling herself in front of you in an attempt to show you what you can no longer have.
You may be strongly tempted to move quickly and aggressively on your feelings. Steel yourself against these impulses. Such matters must be handled with delicacy and guile if they are to work to your advantage. To be rejected by your ex and dumped by your present girlfriend is the worst possible outcome. It is one that is possible, however, if you don’t take your time and carefully plan the moves you make after a flirtation with your ex.
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About Christopher Reid Chris was born in Washington, D.C. and lives in Britain. He works as a blogger, essayist, and novelist. His first book, Tea with Maureen, has just been published.