Why Your Day Crush Goes Nowhere

You flirt, you have tons of chemistry, but then you part ways and you have no idea where to take things from there.

I?m talking about ?day crushes?. Maybe it?s the girl who works at the coffee joint across from your?office, or the girl?you bump into in the elevator in your building.

In some cases, when friends ask me for advice regarding this matter, they don?t even know the girl?s name- and most of the time, they find themselves stuck in an awkward limbo, unsure of whether to ask the girl out or not.

Now the problem is obvious.

You?re not escalating.

It?s the same reason you get stuck in the friend-zone with any girl.

So just man up already and ask her out, right?

Sure, you could just straight up ask her out- and in some cases, with the right amount of flirting and sexual tension, of course you should go for it. It?s no different than getting a girl?s number in a bar.

However, day game is usually not so straightforward, and the circumstances usually don?t provide guys with an opportunity flirt on such a level.

You?re just not acting the same as you would be out at a bar, and society dictates an unspoken level of courtesy during the day.

If you were to act the same way you do in a bar, in most cases, you would?come off as overly aggressive.

Also, if you seem to be getting along well with a girl while she?s at work, there?s always the worry that she?s being nice, just to be nice.

What all this culminates to is that you don?t want to, nor can you, look creepy.

It?s the biggest fear guys have and why they don?t escalate. It?s 10x easier to look creepy during the day.

The fix?

You need to dial it back and go for smaller asks.

Instead of going right for asking for the date or even the number, add her on social media.

Don?t know her name and worried about coming off as creepy?

Add her on your phone right in front of you.

?You know what? I?m totally Facebooking you. How do you spell your name??

Remember to keep things playful and fun, and don?t forget to use inside jokes.

If she doesn?t want anything to do with you, she won?t accept the request and you?ll have your answer on whether she’s legitimately interested in?you or not.

If she accepts the request, wait a while and see if she?ll message you first.

Then after a bit of flirtatious, inside joke laden chat, offer her YOUR NUMBER.

Are you seeing a pattern? You?re only initiating contact half the time. And that?s good because it does a few things:

1. You don?t look overly eager, desperate or creepy.

2. You?re flipping the script and having her pursue you a little (instead of acting like other guys who pursue her all the time).

3. You?re balancing your interest with being a challenge.

4. You?re increasing her investment and interest incrementally.

That last point is really important because sometimes asking a girl out on a date in a public place or where she works can put a metric ton of pressure on her.

Pressure is your enemy. When people feel pressure, they tend to avoid a situation.

It?s stressful. Nobody likes stress.

Ease into things, build upon small asks and for the love of god, escalate.

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About David Maitland David Maitland is a writer living in Vancouver, Canada.