How To Approach The Shy Girl
Most women are to some extent shy when it comes to receiving male attention. The aversion and coquetry that you experience when you try to chat up a girl in public are reflexive. They result partly from learned behavior and partly from hard-wired genetic code—from an instinct imbued by evolution itself to foster strictness in sexual selection.
However, there are some girls who are by nature very shy. They conform to the type known as “introverts” and behave the same way towards all strangers, regardless of sex. The shy girl is the toughest nut to crack. She may come across at first as playing “hard to get”, which may make you even more determined to get a date with her. But you must take great care in how you proceed if you hope to win her over. The one thing I’ve learned about shy girls is that they don’t mind earnestness; they just mind it in public.
If you are a gregarious and outgoing guy, you have to think and act differently when approaching a shy girl. No, you don’t have to stop being yourself. You just have to show more discretion and handle things a bit more delicately.
A tell-tale sign that a shy girl likes you is that she will make brief moments of intense eye contact—from afar. When you actually speak to her, she is likely to give you monosyllabic answers, to avert her eyes a great deal, and to seem in general as though she is not very interested. Stick with it. Maintain a mild and gentle tone. Try to make her laugh. One of the great things about shy girls is that they tend not to mind corny or stupid jokes—anything that reduces the stress they feel when speaking to a stranger is welcome. Don’t invite friends over or force her to be more sociable than she is. You may find such an act friendly, but she will find it embarrassing.
In other words, don’t make a scene or a spectacle. If you want to get her number before you leave, be as inconspicuous as you can about it. Get her and you out of sight, so that she doesn’t feel that the entire crowd is watching the two of you.
The first date will be your next challenge. And here I have a personal story that may serve as a guide. I went out with a girl once who said not more than five words at a time throughout the entire evening. I was younger then and much less experienced, and so I concluded that I had blown it and that she would not see me again. As it turned out, I got the whole thing wrong. When I called her the next day, she told me how much she enjoyed the date and couldn’t wait to see me again. Soon after, we started seeing each other seriously and had a great time as a couple.
I never asked her why she was so quiet on that first date or why she found it so good. Looking back on it now I realize that because she was such an introvert she was more comfortable with me doing all the talking on the first date. And you should let this be a lesson to you. Shy girls may not be so forthcoming on a first date, so you should expect to carry the load when it comes to conversation. Don’t assume your girl doesn’t like you because she’s not overly flirtatious or is not telling you much about herself. It may take some time before she’s ready to open up to you.
Your chances with a shy girl are better than you might think. You just have to take things a bit slower and be a bit milder in your actions and gestures. Do this, and you will find your patience amply rewarded.
About Christopher Reid Chris was born in Washington, D.C. and lives in Britain. He works as a blogger, essayist, and novelist. His first book, Tea with Maureen, has just been published.