Cold Approach Fouls
No one is debating that cold approaching is difficult.
Approaching a woman you don’t know and trying to strike up a conversation, flirt and create sexual tension causes most guys massive anxiety, triggering a sort of fight or flight mechanism.
It can give you performance anxiety, the same kind of stress you feel before an interview or presentation.
Unfortunately, cold approaching is just a natural and necessary part of dating, especially when it comes to meeting girls in social situations.
Expecting that you’ll just be naturally introduced to every potential girlfriend through a friend of a friend, or some other coincidental occurrence is simply unreasonable.
The right way to cold approach is so much easier than you think. Be calm, cool, collected and sincere.
Essentially, act with confidence.
However so many guys still make so many cold approach fouls, and it’s blowing apart their chances with girls.
I wish this could go without saying, but after hearing so many stories from female friends about how much THEY HATE being cat called, I feel the need to include it.
If you’re doing it, stop. Besides the fact that it’s totally degrading, you look like a total jackass and are not only turning women off, you’re making them collectively pissed at you as a gender.
It doesn’t matter if it’s in the middle of the day, or in a busy street while leaving a club. It sends women running away from you and rightfully so.
You’re not a cartoon construction worker. Don’t act like one.
Perhaps the most common cold approach foul is also the most insidious because of it’s acceptance in pop culture.
But it just doesn’t work. 99% of the time wasting your money.
What buying drinks as an opener says to girls is;
a) I have nothing interesting to say or offer you.
b) I think I can buy your time.
c) I need to buy your time for you to talk to me.
Also consider that a million guys will try to buy a girl a drink in a night, you’ll want to be the guy who flips the script on her.
Even if she asks you to buy her a drink or brings up the idea, you’d be amazed what happens when you say something like;
Or better yet.
By doing that, instead of flippantly and annoyingly trying to win her over, you’re becoming a challenge for her.
Don’t try to buy her. Be the kind of guy she wants to chase.
Got news for you lads, women are well aware of negging and they think you’re a slimeball for doing it.
Especially when it sounds rehearsed and forced. By and large, they’re insulted by the fact that you think some quick reverse psychology is going to make them instantly attracted to you.
Creating an inside joke, holding competitions between the two of you and teasing each other, on the other hand, are much better ways to build rapport, tension and become a challenge.
You also catch more flies with honey, and frankly, shameless complimenting is a much better way to establish attraction and stand apart from the crowd these days.
“Sorry” is the worst thing you can say. Moreover, it’s incredibly transparent that you were just trying to come up with an excuse to talk to said girl.
It looks needy, it looks desperate, it looks rehearsed and it looks like you know that you’re not good enough for her.
Stop trying to come up with lame excuse to talk to a girl and just start talking to girls.
The reason being that once you get by your quick, over justified pitch for getting a girl to talk to you, even if she is interested, you’re going to quickly run out of steam and things will fizzle out.
Instead, maintain a confident, fun and consistent energy level.
Charisma will take you so much farther than cheap tricks.
About David Maitland David Maitland is a writer living in Vancouver, Canada.