Let’s Clear Up A Few Things About The Friend-Zone
The friend-zone is getting a really bad wrap these days.
You can thank insecure, lunatic “male-rights-activists” for perpetuating the idea that it’s somehow a woman’s fault for putting you in the friend-zone after all the “work” you put in.
All of that is, of course, ridiculous and you shouldn’t listen to a word of it. Any guy who blames somebody else for his problems and tries to categorize women as somehow beneath him has some serious self-worth issues.
Do women, like men, typically categorize a member of the opposite sex as somebody they want to sleep with or not? Of course. That’s a human reaction and none of us are above it.
What’s important to understand is that if you find yourself in the friend-zone, you have nobody to blame but yourself.
Think about it, you’re the ex-factor in the equation. She’s interested in dating some guys, but not you.
Now, ending up in the friend-zone is not the end of the world. While it’s possible to dig yourself out over time, there are also many, many benefits to having meaningful friendships with women.
Besides, you know, a meaningful friendship, you’ll gain massive insight into the female dating-mind, and get introduced to all her singles friends. Not bad.
But of course, your feelings are not always so simple. Your crush might be a little more serious than just mild interest and the idea of not being romantically linked to the girl in question might be heartbreaking.
Okay, that’s fair enough. Here’s what you can do to prevent that.
The golden rule. Get the iron hot and then strike.
Typically, if there’s initial chemistry between you and a girl, but you find it doesn’t go anywhere and you just end up being friends, it’s because you didn’t sexualize the nature of the relationship.
Maybe you didn’t go in for the kiss when she was waiting for you to. Maybe you didn’t ask her out when she was expecting you would.
But more than anything, you probably didn’t flirt. Not really.
Instead of just talking about your interests, careers and the weather to no end, you should be establishing that you’re sexually interested in this girl and that you find her attractive.
The problem 99% of guys have is that they start treating a girl who’s interested in them like a friend way before a girl will think of them as one. You put yourself there, every time.
You have to make your intentions known, in a fun, playful, flirty way.
If you’re building that sexual tension between the two of you, and then actually pulling the trigger at the right moments, you won’t be letting that spark flicker out.
Again, there are lots of good reasons to just be friends with girls, and for a confident guy, it’s not a problem to dust off your shoulders and just keeping be the awesome, attractive guy you that you are.
But if being “just friends” with a girl is going to cause you emotional instability (which, even if you’re awesome, it might, because you’re not a robot), you’ve got to walk away.
You CAN NOT be a whiny baby about it, stomp your feet and act like it’s somehow her fault.
If you find yourself having that talk where she says, “I just want to be friends”, you can absolutely, calmly, respond with, “I’m sorry, but I don’t want to be friends.”
This is sort-of retroactively establishing attraction, and it’s almost always too little too late, but at least you’ll be planting a seed for something in the future. If she does reach out after that conversation, she does so with full knowledge of where you stand.
After you do that, you have to end the conversation as pleasantly as you can, and then leave her alone.
That’s for your head-space, but it’s also so you don’t come off like a needy creep.
Maybe she’ll reach out in the future, and frankly you backing off highly increases your odds of that, but the for most part, it’s onwards and upwards for you.
Cut your losses, keep the dignity all around and look forward to the future.
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About David Maitland David Maitland is a writer living in Vancouver, Canada.