What “I’m Not Ready For A Relationship” Really Means
Those words will keep you awake at night, endlessly trying to interpret them.
Whether it’s the classic, “it’s not you, it’s me”, or “I’m just not ready for a relationship” or “I just want to be single right now”, these lines can drive you crazy.
Because you’re a dude, you’re hard wired to compete, and at they’re worst, these lines will make you feel like your best isn’t good enough. That can be a hard thing to deal with, and feel like crushing rejection.
What I can tell you is that you absolutely can not try to rationalize, reason or otherwise use logic to try and repair a relationship once a girl says she’s not ready.
By the time she drops that bomb on you, she’s made up her mind.
Here’s why she said it to you and what you can do about it.
(And yes, I speak from personal experience on both counts.)
It’s totally your fault that she lost attraction for you to the point that she doesn’t want you around anymore.
It could have been that you were too desperate, needy, jealous or even controlling. Always insecure about other guys around her, texting her nonstop and not letting her have a life of her own.
Maybe you got too complacent or unambitious, losing your flair or passion for life and the relationship.
Maybe you just fought too often, too intensely.
This is usually the case when a long-term relationship ends, but it can also occur in the short term, especially if the girl you’re dating has dealt with a bad relationship or two, really knows what she wants and doesn’t have time to screw around.
What do you do?
Take some time to really focus on improving yourself. Don’t make things worse by chasing after your ex in a desperate fever. You’ll only validate her decision to move on.
A fresh haircut and new clothes never hurt anybody, but what you’ve really got to do is find your inner confidence and start accomplishing your life goals.
It really is her.
Now, it might just be that she’s wishy-washy, immature or whatever, and in that case, who really has time for that?
But there are much more serious, and frankly, sad reasons why she might legitimately feel like she can’t be in a relationship with you.
It’s a rare occurrence, and don’t get me wrong, she still left because whatever you had together wasn’t strong enough to overcome what’s plaguing her, but it wasn’t as a consequence of something you did.
The relationship was probably too fresh and whatever emotional baggage she was carrying was too great, so she’s gone in to total self-defense mode.
This happens when she’s experienced real trauma, like the loss of a family member, or perhaps is even a former, or in some cases on-going, victim of abuse.
Again, this is hard for your dude-brain to figure out because you want compete, you want to win and you want to fix things.
But just like before, the harder you pull, the harder she’ll push.
If you do care about this girl, the only thing you can really do is be a stand up guy, give her the space she needs, and be there if she reaches out.
About David Maitland David Maitland is a writer living in Vancouver, Canada.