4 Reasons You’ve Never Had A Girlfriend
Let us assume you’re a healthy, good-looking, financially stable guy. You are young, fit, and up for a laugh and a great time with any attractive woman you meet. However, with all of your worldly charm and valuable attributes you have still never had a girlfriend.
This fact may be routinely pointed out to you by friends and family—some in the spirit of critique, others in the mode of approval. But as you get older, as you make the long march towards your mid-and-late twenties, you will notice the people around you shacking up with significant others. This may lead you to consider why it is that you have never met anyone with whom to make this move.
The popular cliché of the swinging bachelor does not accurately portray the deeper instincts and attitudes that keep most men from forming relationships. Yes, some men do prefer to live that part of their life as a succession of one night stands and booty calls. You, however, may not consider yourself an exact fit for that category, and you may be curious as to why you cannot manage anything beyond brief hook-ups.
Here are 4 reasons you’ve never had a girlfriend:
You should not underestimate the importance of the environment in which you work. Men who are in the military, or who work in police, fire-and-rescue, and other male-dominated professions will understand what I mean by this. Although few jobs these days are monopolized completely by men, the ones in which there are few women tend to have an extremely male atmosphere. It is hard to meet a woman and carry on a relationship with a co-worker in such places because of the level of gossip and competition that goes on in them. Such jobs also consume a lot of your time, and so the people you work with end up constituting your social circle. It puts you in a situation whereby it’s much easier to have a fling with someone you met at a club or bar rather than make the extra effort to meet someone worth having a monogamous relationship with.
I am a big believer in boredom. I believe it is the cause for many un-started and un-fulfilling relationships. It may be the case that you enjoy the thrill of the chase, but once you’ve captured your prey you’re ready to move on. This doesn’t make you a bad person. It is just something that comes naturally—as it does to so many other men. You may like variety, change, and the pleasure of constant stimulation in your life. These can be hard to come by after you’ve settled down with just one girl. You should either learn to live with this or make up your mind that the gains of a relationship are worth the sacrifices it will include.
You should seriously consider your value system, and where your personal independence falls within it. You may enjoy the freedom to do as you like. Having a girlfriend will put some limits on your range of action. The older you get the harder it will become to give up your independence. It is not just about the freedom to date; it is about your ability to organize your life the way you want it, without input or interference from anyone else.
Human relationships are in general quite complex. Sharing the greater part of your life with someone else is an extraordinarily complicated undertaking. You may not be the kind of person who goes in for that sort of thing. That is perfectly fine. One of the aims of the liberation movements of the past half century was to ensure that people are able to live according to how their interests, instincts, and conscience dictate. You can’t force yourself to enter and maintain a relationship. Nor should you ever feel pressured to do so. The desire to keep your life pleasant, enjoyable, and simple is just as valid as what is wanted by those who choose a different path.
About Christopher Reid Chris was born in Washington, D.C. and lives in Britain. He works as a blogger, essayist, and novelist. His first book, Tea with Maureen, has just been published.