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How To Stay Hot As A Young Couple

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How To Stay Hot As A Young Couple

Even Alpha Males have families. It need not be a curse to be a family man; nor a break from a life filled with activity and adventure. If you have married your girl and have a kid with her, or are living together and raising the kid as a couple, you can still have a fun, vibrant, pleasure-filled life—both at home and out with friends. You just have to decide to do it.

Being a young couple with children is no longer the drag it used to be. The one constant obstacle to building lives of your own—both individually and as a couple—is childcare. It tends to be quite expensive; and, in many cases, the money is not the real problem: finding someone who you know and trust with your child is. There are two ways of dealing with this issue. The first option is to get your parents and your in-laws involved. There is no shame in appealing to them for help. As a young couple starting out in life, it is perfectly reasonable for you to want time for yourselves. You should not feel as though you are exploiting or being unfair to anyone. Bringing a new life into the world should not mean cutting all connection to your old one.

If you and your sweetheart are in a city that is distant from your respective families, then you should exercise a second option: befriending an older couple with children, and coming to some arrangement whereby they are willing to babysit on the occasions when you want it to be just the two of you—just you and your girl. Again, there should be no sense of shame or guilt in this. It is high time we update our ideas about parenting. A century ago, middle class families had live-in nannies to help raise their children. We now live in a time in which that is not possible for most people. That is why you, as an upwardly mobile man, must find ways of keeping yourself and your girl hot, popular, and socially active while dealing with the realities of childcare.

Staying hot as a couple also means maintaining certain social graces. You don’t have to give up going to coffee houses and nice restaurants just because you have a child in tow. You should, however, be mindful that there are others around you who have come to enjoy quiet conversation or to do a bit of reading. One of the most annoying things to put up with is a child that has been given leave to turn a public space into a private playground. Parents who allow this can be described only as rude and selfish boors. Don’t become one of them. Don’t shatter the calm of a settled adult atmosphere by allowing your child to run wild.

The other social grace you should observe is interesting conversation. When it’s just the two of you and you’re either entertaining friends or being entertained by them, resist the temptation to go on and on about your kid. It’s boring. It’s also the quickest way to lose the social life you have. Having a family does not mean giving up your interests. You should be able to hold an adult conversation that doesn’t involve constantly recounting every single milestone of your child’s life.

If you want to keep heat, light, and energy in your life as a young couple, then you must have people over. These should be strictly adult affairs. One couple I knew—the man was a work colleague—actually told the individuals they invited to their soirees to leave their children at home. They quickly gained a reputation for throwing great parties. Looking back on it, they didn’t do anything special. It was the fact that no children were present that made the difference. Soon even the couples who hadn’t come before found ways to leave their children for the evening so that they could come to these parties.

Finally, to stay hot as a couple you have to stay hot for each other. That means resisting the sexual and emotional inertia which having children can sometimes bring. The so-called “date night” fad is played, and doesn’t really work anyway. It is both the smaller and the larger gestures that really keep the fires going. Skip the meal and the romance. Rent a room for the night at a posh hotel and invite your girl for an overnight fling. Surprise her one evening by shutting the kids up in a room and going down on her while she’s making dinner. Or, if it’s your night to cook, invite her to do the same to you. These are the kinds of things that will keep you into her and her into you. People will see it, and it will make them want to be around you.

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About Christopher Reid Chris was born in Washington, D.C. and lives in Britain. He works as a blogger, essayist, and novelist. His first book, Tea with Maureen, has just been published.

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