For women, attraction works much like a “thermostat,” while for men it works more like a “switch.” Men IMMEDIATELY know if they’re attracted to a woman, while it might take a woman a longer period of time to become attracted to a man.
The tricky part is, the things that “bump up” her thermostat this week might be completely different from last week. Or maybe this week the traits she found so attractive have changed.
Because of this “thermostat,” a girl losing interest in you doesn’t always have much to do with you. It’s very possible she could have some emotional issues she’s dealing with from a past relationship, her work life is stressing her out, or any number of other outside factors.
On the other hand, I’ve also seen MANY cases where a girl begins to lose interest in a guy because of something that HE is doing. The frustrating thing is that most of the time women themselves don’t even know why they lose interest in a guy.
If you asked the last woman who lost interest in you why she lost interest, you would probably get a response along the lines of:
“I’m just not sure what I want right now…”
Or the ever painful:
“I think we should take it slow and just be friends…”
This has happened to just about every man on the planet. Things were going really well with a girl you were dating for a few weeks or months. Maybe you were texting everyday, spending a lot of time with her, etc…Plainly put, there was no reason to expect a big hiccup, right?
To the rational mind, of course not, but emotions and newly-forming relationships are anything but rational…
Here are some of the things that guys do that can contribute to her losing interest:
1. Seeing her too much too soon
This often happens during the “infatuation” phase with a girl: You got her number a few weeks ago, and you’ve been seeing her 3 or 4 times a week.
Remember the phrase “absence makes the heart grow fonder”? It’s true. After you’ve been on one or two dates with her, it’s IMPERATIVE that you create some DISTANCE.
Too much contact too early will completely destroy the sense of “chase” and “mystery” that is at the heart of attraction when you begin dating a girl. Your goal is to keep this “chase” feeling alive as long as possible. The longer this continues, the more the anticipation will build, and the hotter the attraction will burn between you both.
2 She’s become the “center” of your life instead of a “compliment” too it
Your dating life should never become your ENTIRE life. That hot girl you started seeing a few weeks ago found you attractive because of who and what you are SEPARATELY from her. If your life begins to revolve entirely around her, the things she found most attractive about you to begin with will quickly disappear – along with her attraction for you.
The subconscious (and sometimes conscious) desire to make her the center of your life can manifest itself in many ways. One of the most obvious ways is ALWAYS doing what SHE wants to do.
If you’re letting her choose the restaurant that you go to for EVERY date night, you’re showing her that you lack the confidence to take charge and make decisions for yourself.
If you’re making yourself available to her EVERY night of the week, you’re telling her that you’re okay with her running your schedule and life.
If you’re sending “empty” or purposeless texts all throughout the day and ASKING her to respond, you might as well be shouting to her that “I’m CLINGY and I NEED your attention!”
—For more details on texting game, check out my book with Bobby Rio: “Magnetic Messaging.” Texting is an essential part of modern dating, and there is no better product out there to help improve game in this area.—
Not that you need to make yourself overly difficult to connect and communicate with (this leads to a completely different set of issues), but if you completely remove the sense of “chase” and intrigue when you start seeing a girl, the experience will immediately cease to be “fun.”
Who wants to be in a relationship that isn’t fun?
3. Apologizing for EVERYTHING and not standing your ground
One of the reasons I’ve been so successful in my personal, dating, and professional life is that I’m constantly making mistakes (the key ingredient in the process of learning and growing), and constantly owning up to and learning from them. This is the attitude of some of the most successful people that I’ve ever met.
However, there are also plenty of times when I’ve stood up for myself when I KNEW I wasn’t in the wrong. Being able to discern the difference between these situations takes time, patience, and a great deal of honesty. When it comes to dating and your emotional mindset, being able to discern when you SHOULD and SHOULDN’T apologize for something is INCREDIBLY important.
If you’re metaphorically groveling and kissing her feet every time you sense that she might be annoyed or in a bad mood, you’re NOT showing her that you’re a confident, emotionally stable man. Instead, you’re showing her that you are desperate for her affection and that you’ll do ANYTHING to keep it.
Some of my most successful dating experiences were when I took a step back and asked myself, “Have I actually done or said anything that could have warranted this reaction from her?”
If the answer is no, then I stand up for myself accordingly. If the answer is maybe, then I immediately stop dancing around the topic and bring it up with her. If the answer is yes (this takes a great deal of courage and honesty), then I admit my mistake and if necessary apologize (not grovel for her approval) and try to make the situation right.